


Light In The Dark.

by Insomniasland



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, F/F, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:41:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27265162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomniasland/pseuds/Insomniasland
Summary: Lee Siyeon was a girl struggling with bipolar disorder, her life was just dark.Kim Bora was just an ordinary girl, she had so much light.Could she bring light to Lee Siyeon's darkness?
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Kim Yoohyeon
Comments: 46
Kudos: 196





	1. First day.

Laughter.  
All she could hear was laughter.  
Young boys who only knew how to bully a small outsider girl, surrounded her. Yelling at her bad names that she didn’t want to hear. Her blood was boiling, she was on the edge of breaking, again. She looked around to see and hear more laughter. She tried to push one young boy to leave the circle she was in. It wasn’t enough. She covered her ears, shut down her eyes to give herself a moment of peace, a moment of thinking she was in the safety of her blankets. That moment was gone with more laughter.  
She opened her eyes to see another, maybe slightly older girl pushing her way through the young boys, cursing right back at them. Little girl felt another hand gently gripping her own. Urging her to move away from the boys who apparently lost interest in bullying. When they were far enough from the hellhole called school and the demons inside it, they sat down near a tree. Older girl gently wrapped her arm around the younger one, to say I’m right here without actually saying it.

Siyeon woke up drenched in sweat, still hearing their laughter in her head like a never ending song. She pressed her hands on her ears and thought back to the moment of Minji saving her from bunch of bullies. She never left her side ever since. They had met when Siyeon was 7, Minji was just a year older but they were like twins. Nothing could separate them.  
  
Even now Siyeon heard little footsteps around the living room, possibly making breakfast for the two of them.  
  
Siyeon looked at the ceiling letting out a long sigh. She didn’t want to get up and face the last year of university. Minji should've been graduated by now but she waited Siyeon to finish her high school so they could leave together for university, and go to Seoul together.  
  
She grabbed the pillow nearest and covered her face with it to the point of suffocating but she didn’t care. She didn’t feel like she was living anymore. Everything was dark and grey. There was no color, no light in her life. She was breathing, but she didn’t feel like she was living. She was dead inside. And every part of her screamed to put an end to her misery.  
  
But Siyeon promised Minji she would try her best though. She couldn’t give up now. Not yet anyway.  
  
Minji and Siyeon had been living together for 4 years now. And Siyeon still couldn’t believe how Minji put up with her.  
  
Siyeon tried to commit suicide 4 years ago. They just started to live together in Seoul and Siyeon wasn’t handling the fact that her mother left her and her father blamed her for his wife’s separation. She couldn’t take it anymore. She wanted it to end. There was no hope for her.  
  
But Minji found her in the bathtub, wrists were cut open, Siyeon was unconscious. She didn’t even want to think of Minji’s cries and screams when she found her. She didn’t want to feel guilty. She just wanted pain to stop.  
  
As her mind was occupied, the door slammed open. The pillow was ripped away from her hands by one and only Kim Minji with a frustrating sigh.

“Get up, get dressed, get your make up done and have breakfast with me Singnie.” Minji said with a tone Siyeon couldn’t bring herself to say no.

“But I don’t wear make up.” Siyeon said raising her eyebrow slightly.

“Yes it's time to change that. Come on, I’m hungry. Do you really wanna keep me hungry?” she said while taking away the last safety Siyeon had around her body. She groaned in tired defeat, pushing herself from the bed. Young girl really didn’t wanna see the older hungry. She was bitten by a hungry Minji, and it hurt.

Siyeon quickly showered, wore her favorite black hoodie, her black ripped pants and a black leather jacket. “Just like my soul.” she murmured looking at herself in the mirror, satisfied with her look. 

Minji was waiting in the kitchen looking at the untouched pancakes she just made. They had a tradition, a rule more or less. None of them would start eating until both of them were present in the table.  
  
Siyeon let out a low chuckle seeing her roommate, looking at the pancakes like her life depended on it. That was a sight she saw everyday and it never got boring. Food was Kim Minji's life.  
  
As soon as Minji heard the chuckle she looked up to see the... grim reaper, apparently. The oldest knew there was no way to change Siyeon’s style so she didn’t bother trying. She was waiting Siyeon to sit with a fork in her hand, but the younger one was taking her sweet time to drink the damn water.

“Just sit down so I can eat!” Minji yelled in frustration only to have Siyeon burst into laughter.

“Just start eating, I’m right here.” she was still laughing as she sat down in front of Minji.  
  
She wasn’t feeling hungry, she never did but for the sake of her best friend, she started munching on the pancake. “I had a dream of how we met when we were young.” Siyeon said while her mouth was still full.  
  
Minji stopped assaulting the pancakes and looked at Siyeon with a sad expression. “I'm sorry, I know it's not a pleasant memory.” Minji muttered. 

Siyeon just shrugged at the comment. She knew it wasn’t a pleasant memory but she wasn’t going to admit it.  
The room was filled with silence for the rest of the breakfast. 

After breakfast, they cleared everything up and left for the school.

Last year of hell, Siyeon thought. 

Minji was talking about her crush on Yoohyeon once again and Siyeon wasn’t listening one bit as she heard about it so many times. Instead she leaned her head against the cold glass of the window and looked outside getting lost in her thoughts. 

She was in her last year of English language and literature. Somehow the words calmed the storms in her head. Minji was studying psychology. Yoohyeon, the tree and the sun of the group was studying biology. Yes she was the brain cell of the three of them.

“Siyeon! Siyeon!!” Siyeon saw a hand right in front of her eyes waving around and jumped from her seat in fear and confusion. 

“Jesus Christ woman have a little mercy, I was having a moment.” Siyeon said in annoyance.

“Yeah I talked to myself the whole car ride but nothing new. We’re here.” Minji was looking at Siyeon and softly added “Are you okay? You know I’ll be waiting in the cafeteria on our lunch time.”  
  
The younger one fixed her long black hair and smiled at her concerned roommate. “I’ll be okay, I’ll see you then.” She got out of the car and waved at the red haired girl watching her go to school like a proud mother. 

Minji felt like a proud mother. After everything she had seen, after everything Siyeon went through, she was allowed to feel like a proud mother. She was studying psychology for a reason. Siyeon was diagnosed bipolar 2 disorder when they were kids. She needed to know how to help the younger girl, she needed to know everything about human brain in order to help her. She wouldn’t let anything happen to the emo girl she loved so much.  
  
As Minji was lost in her thoughts, she didn’t notice the big tree walking towards her with the biggest smile on her face. That is, until she was scared to death by that big tree.

“God! Is this your way of karma?” she jumped and asked, her hand was on her chest dramatically as she looked up at the sky. Yoohyeon followed her gaze to the sky as if looking for the God itself. 

“Wait a bit more, maybe he will answer.” Yoohyeon said in a playful way. Minji smiled at the blonde haired girl and they both started walking towards their buildings, making small chat here and there. Ignoring the feelings they both had for each other.

As for Siyeon, her classes went by pretty quick. She was sitting at the back of the room, never once talking to anyone other than the teacher.

She dragged her feet towards the cafeteria, God did she want to be in her bed. She saw her friends basically dry humping each other and rolled her eyes thinking why the hell they don’t act on their feelings already. She sat down across them in the table, not bothering to pick up something to eat. She wasn’t hungry. 

“Get a room, there are children here.” Siyeon said but smiled at her friends.

“Anyways,” Yoohyeon pressed on the word, “as I was saying, we didn't have classes today so I went to the art gallery. I met a nice girl there and she said she was studying art... something. She is coming to eat lunch with us.”

“Wait who are you talking about?” Siyeon asked in confusion. She wasn’t big fan of chances. Her circle was 2 people. Minji and Yoohyeon. She didn’t want any more people in her circle. The thought of it made her anxious. 

“Her name is Handong.” Yoohyeon said oblivious to everything Siyeon was going through right now. But Minji knew. Minji always knew. 

“It's okay Singnie,” Minji held Siyeon's hand, it made Yoohyeon frown thinking it wasn’t a big deal. “We can go?” 

“No. No its okay.”

It's not.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Siyeon smiled slightly to calm Minji’s nerves. She started to pinch her own hand on her lap looking down at it. She didn’t even look up when she heard an elegant voice speak.

“Hello, Yoohyeon. Thank you for inviting me. I brought another friend I hope it's okay.” Handong and her friend approached the table with a smile.

Great, more people, Siyeon thought. 

She stayed silent never once looking up from her lap.

“Hello, I’m Minji, this is Siyeon.” Minji smiled brightly and nodded towards Siyeon, silently asking her to speak.

“Hi.” was all Siyeon could say. Pinching her hand harder now to calm down. This table was too crowded for her liking. Handong and the girl beside her didn’t seem to mind her strange act as they introduced themselves, sitting on the chairs around the table.

“I’m Handong” the orange haired girl answered.

“I’m Bora, sorry to crash your lunch unannounced” 

Siyeon looked up from her lap immediately as she heard an angel speak.  
  
The Bora girl was so stunning, all Siyeon wanted to do was to stare until her eyes melted. Her brown hair falling perfectly down her shoulders, her brown eyes shining everytime she smiled. Her laughter reminded Siyeon of a turkey, but in a good way. She wouldn’t mind waking up to that sound everyday. And she was effortlessly funny. Like a ray of sunshine. Complete opposite of Siyeon. Siyeon averted her eyes before she started drooling. That would be too embaressing.  
  
She later found out Handong and Bora were both studying art. 

Bora on the other hand was staring at the girl covered in black all throughout the lunch. Bora noticed she almost never looked up from her lap, other than to check Bora out. She didn’t eat and she didn’t speak a word other than the soulless hi. Her voice was deep and husky, Bora wanted her to speak forever. Bora also noticed the red haired girl Minji constantly observing the girl named Siyeon. She wondered what could possibly be so broken and damaged about this girl.  
  
She had to find out.  
  
  
The lunch break was over and everyone started picking up their stuff and make their way towards their classes. Not Bora. She lingered behind to talk to Siyeon. 

“Hi, I hope you don’t mind me asking but you didn’t talk much, I was wondering if you were okay.” Bora asked keeping her distance as if she didn’t know how to approach the girl. 

Siyeon’s mind froze. She wanted to speak up but no words came out. At this point younger one was sure Bora saw her as retarded.

Bora waited patiently. She didn’t want to scare her off. At last she heard Siyeon say “I.. you..” Siyeon cleared her throat before continuing, “I'm okay thanks.” and she was gone before Bora could say something. The brown haired girl stood there, watching the girl basically run off to her class. 

“its not personal, she isn’t a big fan of changes or new people. She will warm up eventually.” Bora turned her head towards the voice and saw Minji with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Is she your girlfriend?” Bora asked, afraid of the answer but she needed to know.

Minji laughed softly, “No, she is my childhood friend.”

Bora was relieved, she exhaled the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Oh. Okay. Sorry. I just noticed your eyes were on her throughout lunch. So I thought she was.”

“She just gets anxiety around new people, loud and crowded places. I was just worried.” Minji said.

“I'm sorry if we caused her anxiety. I wasn’t supposed to come but Handong basically dragged me.” 

“Don’t worry, its not just you. You both are welcomed to join us every day.” Minji smiled brightly. 

“Really?” Bora asked.

“If you want to, of course!” Minji said happily. 

They exchanged their goodbyes and headed to class. Yes she knew how Siyeon might feel about it but she had to enlarge her circle. One way or another.

  


"Everyday?!" Siyeon was pissed. She wasn't planning on enlarging her circle. Her circle was sealed because the more people meant more laughter. 

They both sat down on the couch in their living room and turned on their favourite movie. Captain America.

"Look, I can't always be with you Siyeon. Someday I will meet someone, or get hit by a bus tomorrow. You have to make more friends." Minji said softly and wrapped her arm around Siyeon protectively. 

"I don't need anyone." Siyeon said as she pouted. She knew Minji was right. But letting someone in romantically didn't make sense. Siyeon wasn't planning on living happily ever after. Heck, Siyeon didn't even plan on living.

"Bora was interested in you."

"No, she wasn't. She probably saw a dark mysterious girl and wants to add some fun in her life." Siyeon said wryly.

"Just let people in, Singnie. They may surprise you." It broke Minji's heart to know that she saw a cold war instead of sweet love. 

"No, thanks." Siyeon put her legs on Minji's lap and leaned her head against her shoulder. Minji was all she needed.

As the movie continued, Minji saw Siyeon's eyes open and close like she was fighting her sleep. She knew this was her best chance to get the truth out of Siyeon, whenever Siyeon was close to drifting off to sleep, she would tell the truth impulsively.

"Did it stop, Singnie?" She whispered.

"It never stops, Minji." Siyeon whispered back. "it will stop when I do what it says."


	2. Chapter 2

It’s been a month since Handong and Bora came to eat lunch with them everyday. In the first few days, whenever Siyeon saw the two girls in her table, she would turn around and leave to go anywhere. Until finally Minji started dragging Siyeon everyday to their lunch table.  
  
Siyeon never spoke in their lunch breaks, despite Bora’s effort to make a small talk. Siyeon would just nod and turn her attention back to her book.  
  
No matter how beautiful Bora was or how good she made Siyeon feel just by sitting next to her, Siyeon knew better than to let anyone in.  
  
Siyeon would bite inside her cheeks to not to laugh at her jokes.  
  
She would put on music to not hear Bora’s high pitched turkey like laughter.  
  
Her laughter was the only laughter that didn’t make her flinch or have panic attacks. Bora’s laughter made her feel like she was home.  
  
She would ignore every effort Bora made to talk to her.  
  
This was for the best.  
  
For Bora’s sake.

Minji however, was now very fond of the two girls. She loved hearing them bicker everyday. Their love was just as strong as Siyeon and Minji.  
  
Yoohyeon wouldn’t stop talking about her new friend Yubin, she was her partner in the class. Minji felt the jealousy to rise in the pit of her stomach but she ignored it. Instead she listened to the younger one wholeheartedly. 

Great, Yoohyeon is still on this subject, Minji thought.

“Excuse me, hey Yoohyeon?” all of the girls looked behind Yoohyeon to see a short haired girl, asking in a deep voice that didn’t match her face. Yubin had a girl with her, she looked a little younger, with a pink hair in a ponytail.

“Yubin! Hey, come sit with us.” Yoohyeon stood up from her seat to hug her friend. 

“Oh, okay. Thanks. This is Gahyeon. We just met actually.” Yubin reciprocated her hug and sat down next to Yoohyeon.

“Hey.” Gahyeon said shyly, girls almost didn’t hear her. “Nice to meet you.”

The conversation has grown, girls were talking about their studies, how they met each other, laughing, smiling in the meanwhile eating their lunchs. 

But Siyeon was frozen at the new people on her table.  
  
Laughter.  
  
All she heard was laughter.  
  
Were they laughing at her?

She closed her ears with her shaky hands. Her temper was rising, her breathing got faster as the laughter contiuned.

She clenched her jaw. She didn’t ask for this. All she wanted was a quiet lunch break with her two friends. 6 people? She was overwhelmed.  
  
No.  
  
She had to get out of there. Now. Siyeon didn’t even bother gathering her stuff, knowing Minji will most likely do it for her.  
  
She stood up abruptly and started walking towards the exist, cursing and pushing people that got on her way.

“Watch it, bitch.” 

“What the fuck did you say?” Siyeon’s eyes narrowed as the boy continued taunting her. If looks could kill, that boy would be dead.

“I said watch it, you freak. Watch where you’re going.” The boy looked unimpressed.

Every word stung fueling the fire that already burned inside of her. The voice in her head repeating the words constantly, which only angered her more. 

“Cat got your tongue, bitch?” the boy said wryly.

Siyeon had white knuckles from clenching her fist too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent. God did she need to punch something.  
  
Burning rage hissed through her body, screeching a release, demanding pain to distract her mind. 

“Leave.” Minji’s voice was threatening as if she was daring boy to speak back as she stood between the boy and Siyeon. Siyeon didn’t even notice the girl coming, her focus was on her anger and the stupid boy.

The boy looked between the two girls that had stern gazes, debating if he should let it go or continue. “Whatever.” The boy said before he left.

Siyeon knew all eyes were on her, including Bora’s.  
  
She couldn’t give a fuck she just needed to be alone. In her comfort zone. After watching the boy leave, Siyeon found herself backing away to the exist. Her rage demanded a release. Now.

“Stop, Siyeon.” she felt a hand on her arm. In a normal situation Siyeon would’ve let Minji stop her, talk some sense into her. But not today. Not now. 

“Let go of me!” Siyeon yelled and slapped Minji’s hand away from her arm and stormed out off the door. God knows where she’d go.

Minji rubbed her head in a defeated sigh, knowing better than to chase her. Until she felt a presence next to her. 

“Can I go after her?” Bora asked in almost a whisper.

“Trust me, you can’t find her.”

“I’d like to try. Please?” 

As soon as Minji nodded, Bora too stormed out of the door after the girl in all black. It wasn’t hard to spot. Right?  
  
Bora wanted to kick the boy’s ass when he talked to Siyeon like that. The urge to protect her was too strong. But the look, the anger on Siyeon’s face stopped her. It scared her that the silent girl had that much anger inside of her.  
  
Bora didn’t know what this girl had on her. All she knew she was trapped in her darkness.  
  
Bora kept looking and running around in apprehension. She knew Siyeon would be in a quiet place with no one around. So she started checking places like that.

All through a month of lunch together, Bora tried to get the girl to talk, or notice her, give a reaction to her silly jokes. Anything was appreciated at this point. But nothing.  
  
Siyeon was the first thing she thought of when she woke up.  
  
Siyeon was the last thing she thought of before she slept.  
  
It drove Bora crazy that she couldn't stop thinking about Siyeon. Was she okay? Was she feeling sad?  
  
Bora wanted to help.  
  
She was determined to break through her walls.  
  
She needed to know what happened to this beautiful girl.  
  
She was determined to be the light to her darkness.  
  
She wanted to be Siyeon’s cure. Whatever she was going through, Bora wanted to help her.  
  
But she also needed to get her out of her mind, somehow. So she did what she does best.

At last, she spotted the girl she was looking for.

Siyeon ran and ran until she was in the corner of the university that no one knows or bothers to come. She needed to distract her mind, she needed her mind to stop, she needed to release her anger. she needed pain. She grabbed her head in between her hands and let out a frustrated scream. 

She punched the tree next to her.

Stop, please, stop... Siyeon thought.  
  
Siyeon felt like she had her own customized joker in her head, laughing, calling her names just for Siyeon to hear.  
  
She punched the tree repeatedly until she felt the warm liquid on her knuckles. That didn’t stop her.  
  
Laughter. Punch. Bitch. Punch. Freak. Punch.  
  
She kept going, she couldn’t feel the pain anymore.  
  
“Stop!” Bora yelled. She was stopped by arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her away from the tree.  
  
“Let go of me!” Siyeon yelled and struggled against the arms. They were small but strong. She didn’t even know who it was.  
  
She tried to break free from the hold, shouting and cursing in the process. But the hold was too strong. How could someone with such small arms be that strong?  
  
Siyeon was pulled down on the grass, between Bora’s legs and her back was pressed against Bora's chest. Her arms were trapped tightly against her own chest. Her legs were also trapped with Bora’s. Siyeon was literally trapped. Nevertheless she tried to break free once again. No luck.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.” it was like a lullaby to Siyeon. That sweet voice wouldn’t stop saying it’s okay. Over and over. Replacing the laughter and voices in her head with soft it’s okays. 

“It’s okay. Siyeon, I’m here. Take a deep breath, I’m here.” the younger girl didn’t know how or when exactly she began to relax as she heard the whispers against her ear, her breathing slowed down, her anger leaving her almost instantly.  
  
Laughter stopped.  
  
Voices replaced by it’s okays.  
  
She took a deep breath, the clouds and the storm in her mind leaving her. 

Bora didn’t quite know what to do, she wasn’t prepared for this sight. All she could do was to prevent the younger girl from breaking a bone in her hands.  
  
She felt Siyeon relax in her hold. But she didn’t loosen it just yet. She kept whispering “it’s okay” to her ear and gently rocked her back and forth.  
  
Back and forth.  
  
That seemed to do the trick. Bora continued the motion and she started mumbling her favourite song in her ear. “far away over there, slowly, I hear and feel the rain, close your eyes and tell me, it’s okay it’s okay like this so trust me..”  
  
Siyeon knew by now that it was Bora.  
  
She didn’t care. Her mind was calm, her breathing was back to normal. She was very aware of the person singing into her ear and holding her tightly. She felt safe. Like no one could harm her right now.  
  
The sun was about to set and they both watched it in silence.

After what felt like an eternity, Bora let go of Siyeon but Siyeon didn’t feel like moving from the warm place Bora provided. So Bora decided to take her thin jacket she was wearing, trying hard not to scare Siyeon with a sudden move.  
  
She gently grabbed Siyeon’s left hand first, and waited a reaction, rejection, anything. But nothing. So she wrapped the part of the jacket around her knuckles and did the same with her right hand too.  
  
They stayed like this for God knows how long, Siyeon didn’t want to talk and Bora didn’t want to pressure her. She wanted to comfort the younger girl in any way she can. So she kept her hold around Siyeon and rocked her back and forth.

“I’m sorry Bora” Siyeon finally broke the silence and slowly sat up to turn towards her. Siyeon looked at her fists wrapped in Bora’s jacket, staining her jacket with blood. Siyeon would wash it and give it afterwards. 

“For what?” Bora asked quietly. She knew what it was about, but wanted the younger girl to talk to her more than few seconds.

“I.. I have..” Siyeon cleared her throat. She hated explaining her mental health. It felt like an excuse. Like it wasn’t real. But it was very much serious and she knew it. “I have bipolar disorder. It’s- it’s not like how most people say they have bipolar because of their mood swings. I was diagnosed when I was a kid. I’m not telling you because I want your pity. It’s the way I am.” She shrugged. “I know how you look at me Bora. Your efforts to talk. I can feel your stares burn into my soul. Every day. But this” she pointed her knuckles. “is nothing. You don’t want this. Trust me.”

“But what if I want to, Siyeon?”

“Why? To get hurt? I can't be who you want me to be, Bora.” Siyeon didn’t understand Bora. Why would anyone wanna be with her? Sure, she had girlfriends, but as soon as they saw what is underneath they left immediately. This was no exception.  
  
Bora ignored her question to answer later.  
  
Siyeon was finally opening up, talking to her like Bora was actually a human being. So she asked another question instead.

“How did you get diagnosed?” Bora hoped she wasn’t stepping any boundaries right now but she had the urge to know everything about this girl.

“I was around 13 and I was in school minding my own business. Minji is a year older than me so she couldn’t be with me during classes. And when there is no Minji there is bullying.” Siyeon chuckled but it wasn’t a happy one, not at all. “Some boys cornered me, again. they were laughing at me, saying mean words and cursing at me. They kept.. laughing. somehow everywhere I go people just laughed at me. I was angry, and upset and their laughter just never stopped. I don’t know what came over me, I ran to the bathroom, I didn’t know what I was doing, I was a kid. I remember punching the mirror because I didn’t like the face looking right back at me. Why did she have to be broken? Why couldn’t she be normal? Why couldn’t she be loved? When the pain kicked in, I realized I liked it. So I did it on my arm this time. Here and there. Again and again. Until I passed out from blood lost and woke up in the hospital.”

Bora had tears burning her eyes desperate to break through. But she had to be strong so Siyeon could finish her story. She nodded as if she was saying continue.

“After so many tests, psychologists, and nights at the little room they put me in, they diagnosed me. Gave me bunch of pills and let me go.” Siyeon finished her story with a shrug, pretending like it didn’t hurt her talking about it again.  
  
Bora was different. She felt the need to open up to her.  
  
Siyeon was waiting Bora to storm out, be overwhelmed by all this new information, leave like they always do. That’s why she never looked up, she didn’t want to watch Bora leave her. 

“Come with me.” Bora said before she was on her feet again. Holding her hand out for Siyeon to hold and get up. 

Siyeon was confused. That wasn’t the reaction she would normally get. Nevertheless she did as she was told and stood up. She took the bandage like jacket off her fists seeing the blood dried already. She wrapped the jacket around her waist and followed Bora to wherever she was going.  
  
It was getting dark and very few students were wandering around the campus. They walked in silence together. Siyeon was still waiting on a comment to her story, she was confused and a little mad that she got no reaction. As she was so focused and lost in her thoughts while they walked, she didn’t notice the missed calls and texts from Minji.

Minji was going to kill Siyeon. Yes. She would bury her body and no one would find her. Perfect plan.  
  
She was pacing around their apartment, texting and calling Siyeon nonstop.  
  
She saw them together when she decided to look for them. Bora had the younger girl in her arms, so Minji left the two alone.  
  
But it was 6 hours ago.  
  
It was getting dark outside and Siyeon was nowhere to be found. Not that it didn’t happen before, but it never stopped Minji from worrying. She texted Yoohyeon too. But no dice. She sat on the couch staring at her phone as if it was going to magically show where Siyeon was. She sighed and leaned back against the couch. All she had to do was wait.

“Here we are.” Bora stopped in front of a building. Faculty of fine arts. 

“That’s your faculty. What, are you late for a class or something?” Siyeon asked in annoyance. But Bora didn’t mind. She just smiled instead.

“Come on, grumpy.” She didn’t want to hold the younger one’s hand as it was still covered in blood and could hurt. So she put a hand on Siyeon’s waist to gently lead her inside. 

“We have an art gallery. It’s mostly, well usually students work. But you would be surprised at how good they are.” She lead them to a big room full of different paintings. 

Siyeon was surprised at the length of the room. But she was more surprised to the paintings. It had space, birds, humans, sky, rain, even apples. Siyeon wandered around the room, looking at the paintings as if she was in another world, Bora watched her. Bora watched her annoyance and anger slowly drifting away. She wanted to keep the best for the last.

Siyeon stopped in front of a big space painting. It fascinated her. She was always curious about the life outside this world. Were there aliens? Were there more humans? People with superpowers, like captain marvel? She felt her lips curve into a smile thinking of her favorite series of movie.  
  
Bora finally broke her trance and asked Siyeon to follow her again. The younger one moved her feet unwillingly. The painting was so beautiful, she wished she could have it. With one last glance she followed Bora.

“When I first saw you, I knew there was something about you that drew me closer to you. And each day it grew stronger. I had to let it out somehow.” She stopped in front of a painting that looked like a woman. 

It is a woman, Siyeon thought.

It looked familiar. The more Siyeon looked at the painting, the more it captured her.  
  
The painting was in a big black frame. Everything about this painting screamed loneliness.  
  
In the back, there was a full moon in white and grey colors. Even the surface of the moon was detailed. Half of the full moon was covered with a mountain. The mountain had fog all around it, black and white colors blending together perfectly. On the top of the mountain, there was a black wolf howling at the sky. It felt like the wolf was in pain, screaming in agony, you could feel it's pain through the painting.  
  
And at the front of all of it, there was a girl. Actually it was just her side profile.  
  
She was wearing a black leather jacket, she had a black cap on and half of her face was not visible. It was kind of blurry, as if the painter was trying to say this girl’s mind was not stable. Alone. Afraid. She had sharp jawline that could cut a diamond, plump lips that was painted in dark red.  
  
Siyeon felt tears burning her eyes, it was her.  
  
She felt the loneliness of the painting. It described her perfectly.  
  
Siyeon watched the painting, Bora watched Siyeon. She was the best art in Bora’s eyes.

“You remind me of a lone wolf. A lone wolf is a wolf that is searching, and what it seeks is another wolf. They succeed by cooperating, and they struggle when they’re alone. Like us, wolves need one another.” Bora turned her body fully towards siyeon, forcing her body to turn as well. “I can’t tell you why, Siyeon. to be frank with you, I don’t know myself. What I do know is that from the moment I saw you, all I could think about was you. And you are still all I think about. I don’t want you to be alone anymore. And I'm not asking you to change or be someone i want you to be. I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend Siyeon, I just need you to stop keeping me out of your walls. Let me talk to you, and be your friend at least.”

It made sense. She did want to be her friend. But what if Bora gets lost in her darkness?  
  
Or could she be the one saving Siyeon?  
  
All Siyeon wanted to do was to kiss her right here. It would be too soon considering this is the first time they actually spoke more than few seconds. So instead she wrapped her arms around Bora’s waist and hugged her like her life depended on it.  
  
Bora being surprised by this sudden affection was the understatement of the century. Either way, she wrapped her arms on the taller’s neck and inhaled deeply as if she was trying to bottle up Siyeon’s smell.  
  
When Siyeon exhaled on Bora’s neck, she felt the goosebumps all over her body, tingling her from head to toe. A brush creeping up on her cheeks slightly. When the couple departed from each other, they looked at each other with lust. It felt like it lasted forever, both waiting the other to make a move. None of them did. It wasn’t the right time.

“Thank you.” Was all Siyeon said before turning her attention back to the painting. “Can I steal it?” 

That made Bora laugh loudly that it echoed through the empty room. Siyeon wanted to do everything, every stupid joke to make her laugh like this.

“Well it is mine technically, it wouldn’t be stealing. But I don’t think we can.” 

Siyeon pouted after being told no. But it was okay. She knew as long as this exhibit existed, this would be her comfort zone in university. 

“Come on, let’s get you home before Minji kills me.” Bora said already walking towards the exist. 

Siyeon’s eyes widened. It was at this moment Siyeon knew,  
  
She. Fucked. Up.  
  
Minji.  
  
She was going to be murdered tonight.  
  
She quickly took her phone off with shaky hands and unlocked it to see hundreds of texts and missed calls. She was debating in her mind whether to face Minji’s wrath right now or at home. Minji deserved to know she was okay and coming home. As they were waiting for a taxi, Bora nodded at her to encourage her to make the call.  
  
Siyeon dialed her number and after the first ring, Minji’s concerned voice was heard.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes. I’m coming home alright? I just wanted to let you know I’m okay.” Siyeon said. “I’ll tell you everything once I’m home”

“Is Bora with you Singnie?”

“Yes.” She looked at Bora to make sure. That she wasn’t hallucinating. Bora looked right back at her with a smile. Which made Siyeon smile too.

“I’m waiting. Please be careful. Love you.” 

“Love you too.” Siyeon hanged up the phone and exhaled the breath she didn’t know she was holding. She wasn’t expecting a calm Minji. Even though it was more deadly.

“Can I have your phone number too?” Bora was now standing right in front of her looking at her with such puppy eyes Siyeon couldn’t say no. Not that she would have. 

As they were exchanging phone numbers, the taxi had arrived and was waiting them patiently.  
  
The ride was silent, but not in the awkward way. In a comforting way.  
  
Siyeon’s mind was still at the painting. Bora actually took the time to paint that. She was so talented.  
  
Siyeon flinched slightly when Bora brushed her fingers along Siyeon’s knuckles, “please take care of this. Okay?” Siyeon nodded and murmured sorry under her breath.  
  
The taxi stopped in front of Siyeon’s apartment and God was she not ready to face calm, deadly Minji. Did it even make sense? That girl was more fatal when she was being calm instead of angry. 

“Thank you for everything today Bora. As for your jacket you will get it back when I get it blood free” Siyeon said before reluctantly getting out of the taxi. 

She stood there for a couple of seconds debating if she should flee the country. Maybe North Korea?  
Finally, she took out her keys and entered her apartment. She could do it. it was just Minji. Her roommate. Her best friend. She wouldn’t get murdered tonight. Would she?

“Do you know what cellphones do? You call people, search anything on internet, text someone across the world.” Siyeon was met with a cold voice and angry Minji standing right in the middle of living room. 

“I’m so sorry Minji.” The young girl said softly and finally stepped out of the dark to meet with Minji’s glare. But it turned into a concerned look as soon as she saw Siyeon’s knuckles.  
  
Minji wasn’t surprised, she signed and lead them to the bathroom without saying another word. Siyeon sat down on the toilet seat and let Minji take care of her. As always.  
  
Siyeon filled her in about everything that has happened today while Minji cleared her wounds. 

“I told you she was interested in you. She really painted you huh. It makes sense I’ve always said you resemble a wolf. A lone wolf. And Yubin and Gahyeon, they didn’t mean to barge in. they were so terrified after everything that happened. They are nice people Singnie. Give them a chance. For me. Please.” Minji was done clearing her wounds by the time she finished her sentence.  
  
They went into the living room together and Siyeon wanted an excuse to text Bora, so she took a picture of her bandaged hands and sent it to her with a caption saying she took care of it.

“I will. I’m sorry Minji.” 

“Will you think of going back to your meds? Maybe it’s time Siyeon.”

“No!” Siyeon answered way too quickly and loud, so she tried again. “I mean, no. It’s okay. Look. Bora.. She made me feel something today. She made me feel alive for the first time in forever. I want to be in control of my feelings. I want her to know me. The real me. Not my robot self that feels nothing.”

Minji nodded, lost in her thoughts for a moment.  
  
After talking about Yoohyeon & Yubin , Minji’s jealousy, and everything in between, the two decided to head to bed.  
  
But Siyeon had different plans. Like staying up all night to talk to Bora.

After giving her address to the driver, Bora was lost in her thoughts on the way to her apartment. Today was something she never experienced before, and it still didn’t quite sink in that it happened.  
  
She was overwhelmed.  
  
Seeing Siyeon lose herself like that, being the comforter even tho she had no idea what she was doing was too much for her to handle.  
  
She knew Siyeon was troubled, she knew there was something dark about her. But she had no idea it was this bad.  
  
Could she handle it?  
  
Was she too naïve to think her love could save Siyeon?  
  
All of her senses, every bone in her body was screaming for her to not get involved in her darkness.  
  
It was a strange feeling that she both wanted to flee and help her at the same time.  
  
Bora’s life was good, she was dancing in her free time, she was going to be a painter. Open her own gallery. Her family loved her and gave her anything she wanted. Did she really need this right now?  
  
But when she thought of Siyeon, her heart started beating faster.  
  
The very first time Bora laid eyes on Siyeon. She felt her heart in her mouth and Siyeon didn’t even glance at her.  
  
The urge to protect this young girl was too strong.  
  
The way Siyeon smiled. Her eyes would get shaped like a crescent moon.  
  
The way Siyeon laughed. It was music to Bora’s ear. Unlike Bora’s laugh, it was soft and dreamy.  
  
The way Siyeon’s deep, husky voice is enough to send Bora over the edge.  
  
Siyeon.  
  
Lee fucking Siyeon.  
  
The taxi driver pulled up in front of her apartment and after paying him, she got out of the taxi, dragging her feet on the street till she reached the door. She played with the keys in her hand for a moment before she opened the door.

“Hey, is everything okay? You look like shit.”

Bora wasn’t surprised at this comment, she felt like shit. “yeah, I dropped Siyeon home and came back.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Handong asked softly.

Bora wasn’t sure. Was it her place to tell Siyeon’s story? Definitely not. “I finally got to show her my painting.” She shrugged as if it was nothing. Ignoring the fact it was eating her alive for the past few days.

“How did she react?” Bora sat next to Handong and laid her head on her shoulder. 

“She hugged me. Which was a surprise considering this was our first actual conversation.” Bora laughed dryly. 

“Look. Bora. I love you. Whatever you do I’m always going to support you but Siyeon screams trouble. She emits darkness and I know you love a little mystery, a puzzle to solve but I don’t want you to lose yourself trying to solve a puzzle that is not yours to solve.” 

Bora knew Handong was right but it still offended her that her friend was speaking like that. Maybe she was an idiot, or a glutton for punishment. Or maybe she naively subscribed to the foolish notion that her love could save Siyeon.

“I knew from the moment I saw Siyeon, she was my puzzle, Dongie.” With that Bora left Handong to go to her room.

Bora finally cleaned her body and soul with a hot shower, putting on her favorite pajamas when she heard her phone vibrate on her bed. Unlocked it to see a text, a picture from Siyeon.

Bora smiled to herself and responded to her wolfie. 

Who knows, maybe she could save her.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Siyeon felt unbelievably good. Despite her lack of sleep she felt so energetic. 

“Good morning sunshine it’s a beautiful day to be alive.” Siyeon barged in Minji’s room and slid her curtains open to let the sun light fill the room. 

“Oh fuck off” minji groaned in frustration and threw a pillow at Siyeon which was caught easily. 

"MinJiuuu." Siyeon whined like a baby as she jumped on top of her. 

Minji was being crashed. An elephant had landed on her. There was no other explanation. 

“Fuck, is this how it ends?” she was still groaning and trying to push away the elephant on top of her.  
  
Siyeon rolled her eyes and gave up on trying to wake Minji up, instead she went to put on her best clothes. She decided to wear all denim today. Ripped denim pants, a shirt and denim jacket. She let her hair down and for the first time in forever she put on some light make up. Siyeon was eager to see Bora today. 

They had stayed up all night. Talked about anything. Bora told her about her life. How she wanted to be a dancer, but painting was her passion. Siyeon told her she could do both.  
  
And Siyeon told her she wanted to be a singer. Bora got a promise one day Siyeon would sing to her.  
  
They talked about their parents. Bora’s parents were happily married. Rich. And they loved their daughter. A perfect family Siyeon always dreamed about.  
  
Siyeon told her about hers. Divorced, unhappy and her mother gone and her father wasn’t a big fan of his daughter being gay and mentally ill. Minji was the closest thing she had for a family.  
  
They had talked about their hobbies, fears, goals and everything.

After finishing their breakfast and cleaning up their mess, they left for school. This time car ride was filled with Siyeon’s nonstop talking.  
  
Minji knew what it meant. Either a manic episode was happening or Siyeon was genuinely happy. Minji hoped It was the latter one. As soon as the older parked her car, Siyeon gave her a peck on the cheek and hurried to get to her class. Minji was praying silently praying that Siyeon was just happy.

Bora was waiting Siyeon on the lunch table with Handong, Minji and Yoohyeon. She didn’t even hear the small talk on the table, all she wanted was Siyeon next to her, right now. She rapidly tapped her foot on the floor, why was she even nervous? She had no idea. But her gaze was on the door waiting for Siyeon.  
  
Bora finally laid her eyes on Siyeon. Her lips curving into a smile patiently waiting her. Bora saw the bandaged fists of Siyeon, and it hurt Bora that she wasn’t there sooner to stop it but next time she would.  
  
She promised herself that.  
  
It felt like it took Siyeon forever to walk towards their table, sitting right next to Minji, across Bora. Her stomach was doing all kinds of aerobics right now, those insane feelings of Bora.  
  
Lee fucking Siyeon.  
  
They stared at each other with smiles on their lips, wanting nothing more than to kiss each other, be in each other’s arms. Until Handong saw Siyeon's fists and broke the tension between them.

“Siyeon, are you okay?”

That was the question Bora wanted to ask Siyeon. Was she okay? Bora kept her gaze on Siyeon, silently cursing herself that she didn’t ask this question first.

“Yes, thank you. I’m sorry I lashed out like that. Yubin and Gahyeon are welcomed to have a lunch with us.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes of course.” Siyeon smiled, and it felt like Bora’s heart was going to explode.

“Thanks. I will let them know. They are really intimidated by you.” Handong said. 

Bora heard Minji chuckle which caused Siyeon to roll her eyes and Bora to frown. 

“They don’t need to be, I’m really sorry.”

“Singnie is like a baby once she warms up to you.”

Singnie?   


“Singnie?” Bora was curious about the nickname. 

“Yes!” Minji smiled brightly that resembled a sun. “she likes to sing and she is a b- ouch!!” Minji winced in pain before she could even finish her sentence. Bora assumed she got kicked by ‘Singnie’.

“As I was saying, they are welcomed.” Siyeon smiled to reassure all of them. 

As weeks passed by, neither Bora nor Siyeon acknowledged their growing feelings for each other.  
  
They would meet up in their lunch breaks and talk quietly in the corner without bothering their friends.  
  
If one of them was too busy to come to lunch, the other would bring the lunch to her.  
  
If one of them saw something that reminded the other one they would buy and gift it to each other.  
  
For example, Bora bought Siyeon a wolf key chain, and Siyeon bought Bora a bird key chain.  
  
Siyeon gave Bora her jacket all cleaned up.  
  
Bora gifted her the painting she had done once the exhibit was over.  
  
It was now hanging on Siyeon’s room.  
  
Siyeon was warming up to girls more than she would like to admit.  
  
Yubin and Gahyeon started coming to their table frequently. Surprisingly Siyeon enjoyed their company.  
  
But Siyeon knew she would have to stop one day and let Bora go before it was too late. But that day wasn’t today.  
  
Because when she was with them, it would shut up.

Maybe this could be my pack, Siyeon thought. 

Minji and Yoohyeon got incredibly closer as weeks passed. In the end Minji finally acted on her feelings and asked Yoohyeon out. Siyeon was in Bora’s care at this moment so she allowed herself to let loose and live a little. She finally unpaused her life.

“SHE ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE!” Siyeon screamed through the phone to Minji. Who was actually on a date with Yoohyeon.  
  
It was a beautiful saturday night and they were having a nice dinner which was disturbed by a screaming Siyeon. Minji smiled at Yoohyeon apologetically.

“And what did you say?”

“I- I said I had to pee and hang up.” Siyeon said in almost a whisper.

“Wow that was really romantic of you.” Minji said wryly.

“Don’t mock me Minji, if I let her in I will break her. I can’t break her. I know I have to say no or be like no homo bro.” Siyeon felt like there was cement inside her head. Hardening each second. 

“Siyeon, Bora knew what she was getting into. She is all over you. During lunch breaks you guys are like a married couple. Go on this date already. Aren’t you tired of seeing her just inside school?”

“I can’t.. I can’t break her. Yes I’m happy now but till when? Tomorrow? Next month? Next year? How long do you think I will have to use meds again? Become my zombie self again? What if IT wins? There’s no way I can love her the way she wants me to.”

“If she really loves you, none of this will matter.”

“Yeah but she can’t. No one can.” She hung up the phone and dialed Bora’s number before she changed her mind. Bora answered at the second ring.

“Took you long enough.”

“I had to poo.” Bora laughed loudly at her comment. “I can't go on a date with you Bora.”

“I figured.” Bora answered dryly. 

“I- wait what?” Siyeon had prepared a speech. Did she hear it right? 

“I said I figured. I have to go. Talk to you later okay wolfie?” and she left without waiting for a reply.

Siyeon’s felt like a lost kid. Was this supposed to happen? Siyeon didn’t expect Bora to give up so easily, maybe she could’ve changed her mind.  
  
She wanted Bora. She wanted to make her laugh and hear that turkey sound every day. She wanted to lay in Bora’s arms. It was her safe haven. She felt safe even though it was just hugs in university. She wanted more. She wanted to know Bora’s deep dark secrets. She didn’t want to fantasize about kissing her. She wanted to kiss her.  
  
She wanted to devour her.  
  
Bora gave her a will to live.  
  
Ugliest sentence in the world could sound beautiful with Bora’s name in it.  
  
Bora was the light at the end of the tunnel reaching her hand out for Siyeon to hold. To pull her out of the darkness.  
  
All she had to do was to say yes.  
  
And it was too late now.  
  
Her source of light had left her.  
  
The hand holding her from falling down the cliff, had let go.  
  
She didn’t realize she was crying until she felt the wet tears rolling down on her cheeks.  
  
Just when Siyeon was about to sleep the pain away, the door rang. Figuring it was just Minji, she ignored it and got under covers.  
  
It rang again. And again. Giving the girl no choice but to get up and open the damn door. People couldn’t even suffer in peace these days.  
  
As soon as she opened the door she was faced with a tiny angry bird who stormed inside without waiting an invitation. 

“Now you are going to listen to me and only me Lee Siyeon. I am a grown ass woman to decide for myself. I know you’re thinking you’re doing me a great favor by pushing me away but you’re not. I want to be with you. I want to love you. I know what you go through daily. I know the demons in your mind. And trust me I still have no idea how to help you or even if I could fix you. But you know what? if you fall into darkness, I will be your light. If you fall, I will pull you right back up. I know it’s naïve to think my love could ever be enough but maybe just maybe OUR love could do more than help you. Let me be your light.” Bora was now standing right in front of Siyeon, looking right through her soul. “Let me in Lee Siyeon. you deserve to be happy. Let me make you happy.” Her voice cracked at the end, finally letting everything out all at once felt so good that she wanted to cry. But the good feeling left her as soon as she saw the look on the latter’s face.

“You think you can save me?” she said wryly. “My own mother left me when I was too hard to handle. My own father hates me , hates that I am so fucked up and broken. There is nothing that can cure me." Siyeon got closer to Bora that Bora had no choice but to back away until her back was against the wall. “Every moment, every aspect of my life is changed by this illness and these thoughts will someday win. I won’t let you get dragged in this mess.” She trapped Bora between her body and the wall. Siyeon was angry that Bora wasn’t listening to her. She was doing this for her sake. Why wouldn’t she appreciate it?

“Will you stop acting like I’m a child and I don’t know what I want? Like I don’t know what I can, or cannot handle?!”

“But you don’t! You haven’t seen anything yet!” Siyeon punched the wall right next to Bora’s head. Causing Bora to flinch and jump slightly. But Bora wasn’t someone to back down from a fight.

“I am not scared of you Lee Siyeon.” Bora whispered. 

Their lips were inches apart from each other, both breathing heavily due the lust and anger rushing through their veins. All Siyeon had to do was to move slightly. An inch. 

“You are crazy.” Siyeon whispered on Bora’s lips without touching them slightest.

Bora had to take a moment to collect her smut thoughts to answer. Finally smut thoughts were replaced by anger. 

“No you thick headed stupid! It’s called LOVE! it means caring about someone, wanting them to be happy! Even when people roll their eyes, and call you crazy! I won’t give up on you Siyeon. if I took my friend’s advice and gave up, then it wouldn’t be love. You are worth fighting for. You're worth being loved.” Bora cupped Siyeon’s cheeks and whipped away the rolling tears. “Give me a chance, wolfie. Let me be your light.”

Siyeon avoided Bora’s gaze on hers. Right now the carpet was more interesting to look at. Should she let Bora make the worst decision of her life?  
  
Siyeon loved Bora. She knew it perfectly. But what if the thoughts in her head wins one day? How could she be so selfish to let Bora go through that?  
  
But maybe she could control her mood swings, her episodes. She could do it for the angel in front of her.  
  
She was her light. And maybe, Siyeon was worth being loved.

“Okay.” She whispered.

“Okay? Really? You’re not saying it to get rid of me right?” 

That made Siyeon laugh a little. She softly added, “Actually, can you stay the night? Minji is not home and I don’t want to be alone.” 

Bora hummed as if she was thinking her answer. “Well I am a classy woman. I need to have at least one date before you get into my pants, damn.” 

Bora saw pink blush creeping on the younger’s cheeks, eyes widening as it was sinking in what was said. “No! that’s not.. that’s not what I meant! Okay you know what wake me up on our date. ” Bora couldn’t help the laughter leaving her lips watching Siyeon leave frustrated towards her bedroom and got under the covers, still whining about Bora’s comment.  
  
Bora laughed again took this free time to look around her apartment. Simple. Elegant. Neat. 

The older one slowly entered Siyeon’s bedroom, put down her bag, took off her clothes until she was standing there with her underwear. Bora was never the one to be ashamed of her body. She could feel Siyeon’s gaze burning her skin whilst she looked around the closet to find a big hoodie that smelled like Siyeon.  
  
When she spotted the big sweater on the chair instead, Bora went to put it on her small body. It was too long and big for her small features. It didn’t matter as long as it smelled like Siyeon.

“May I?” Bora asked for permission to lay next to her under covers. 

She saw the young girl nod and got under covers almost immediately. She was afraid to spoon her from behind, what if it was too much? Despite her fear, she just went for it. 

Siyeon felt yet again the small but firm arms wrapping around her waist to press her back against Bora’s chest. 

"I like this painting, who drew that? Such a talented queen." Bora said with a smile on her face, looking at the painting of Siyeon on the wall. 

"Just someone really obsessed with me, I can't get rid of her." Siyeon smiled back as she snuggled closer to Bora's chest. 

"I promise, you never will." Bora whispered against Siyeon's neck as she closed her eyes.

Siyeon felt Bora’s breath right on her neck which sent shivers down her spine. She swallowed her wild thoughts and closed her eyes welcoming the lost feeling of home. This was her home. They both were drifting to sleep so the young girl took this opportunity to whisper, “I love you too Bora.” Thinking she wouldn’t hear it.

But Bora heard it loud and clear.


	4. First Date

Today was the day. Bora was finally going to take Siyeon out on a date and she was planning on asking Siyeon to be her girlfriend at the end of the night.

“What are your plans for this date?” Handong asked, watching Bora change outfit after outfit.  
  
Bora finally decided on a tight white jeans and a black shirt, with the jacket she wore on their first.. encounter? She didn’t know what it was but she was glad it happened. As selfish as it was. “I was thinking somewhere quiet. You know she is not a fan of crowded places. Somewhere we can talk and get to know each other.”

“You guys have been talking for months now, all the time, I think you guys know everything already.” Handong softly laughed. 

“Yes but no. She is still a closed book. Whenever I get close to a subject she doesn’t wanna talk about, next thing I know we are talking about wolfs. Or penguins.”

“Penguins?”

“Apparently they are cute and better subject than the past.” Bora rolled her eyes but her lips were smiling.

“Well, take her to the zoo, see some penguins. Wolfs. Birds?” Handong asked.

“I actually rented the paint studio.”

“Let me get this straight. You guys hang out mostly in the school, now going on a date to see each other away from school but you are taking her back to school?” Handong was really confused at this point. 

“Says the girl who is not straight but no you idiot. It’s close to her apartment actually.” Bora chuckled at Handong’s confused face.

“Oh. Can she even paint?”

“I can teach her.” Bora winked at her roommate and finished her light make up. She checked herself out one more time before grabbing her purse. “Anyways. Don’t wait up, mom.” Bora kissed Handong’s cheek and left the apartment to pick up her date.

Bora was leaning against the taxi waiting for her date to come down.  
  
She was nervous.  
  
She wanted to run and hide.  
  
But then she saw her.  
  
Her breath got caught up in her throat as soon as her eyes landed on Siyeon.  
  
Siyeon was wearing a big black denim jacket that kept what she was wearing inside a secret. Her black boots were high enough that it reached just above her knee. Her straight black hair was falling down her shoulders like an angel. Suddenly Bora regretted her choice of clothing.  
  
Bora needed to close her mouth before a fly got inside.  
  
She felt like air was sucked out on her lungs.  
  
Siyeon was so beautiful to be true.  
  
Her body, her muscular lengs, her stern gaze that would basically kneel you.  
  
Shit.  
  
She was walking towards Bora. But all Bora could do right now was to look at her perfect date with agape mouth.  
  
Finally, Siyeon was in front of Bora and Bora looked up at Siyeon’s eyes.  
  
All she could mutter was, “wow”

“wow yourself.” Bora felt chills all over her body with Siyeon’s deep voice. Would she ever get used to it? The way it was even huskier when she wakes up? The way it gets raspy when Siyeon was being a tease. The way- 

“Your idea of a date is just us standing here, FANTASIZING about a date?” Bora’s thoughts were cut short by an amused Siyeon.

“Oh shut up.” Bora shook her head to clear the dirty thoughts and opened the taxi’s door to let Siyeon in.

“Why don’t you make me?” Siyeon whispered in Bora’s ear right before she stepped inside the car with a smirk. Causing Bora to stumble on her own feet. Is this how she wanted to play? Well then game on.  
  
Bora also got inside the taxi and gave the driver the directions. Siyeon was looking outside, probably lost in her thought. Bora wanted to ask, but now she had a game to play.  
  
She jumped up and down in her mind because Siyeon decided to wear a mini dress. It made everything easier.  
  
She placed her hand on Siyeon’s thigh and felt her tense up under her touch. But Siyeon didn’t react the way Bora wanted her to.  
  
Bora slowly traced her nails on Siyeon’s thigh, moving it unbearably slow, up to where it needs attention the most. Bora watched Siyeon’s reaction, her eyes were shut, her breathing got heavy. It was Bora’s time to smirk.  
  
She squeezed her thigh not so gentle, causing Siyeon to grab Bora’s hand on her thigh and stop it before it moved further. Siyeon wanted to do nothing more than to wipe the smirk off Bora’s face.  
  
You'll see, Siyeon thought.

“Are you hungry, wolfie?” Bora asked.

“No, not really” Siyeon muttered.

“Great.” Bora kept her hand between Siyeon’s bare thigh and changed the direction to a fancy restaurant. Siyeon was too beautiful and classy to let it go to waste with just painting.  
  
Bora let out a low chuckle when she saw Siyeon’s eyes widen at the restaurant they just arrived.

“Isn’t this too much, Bora?”

“Don’t worry it’s never crowded, I promise. It’s not loud either.” Bora intertwined their fingers and lead them inside.  
  
That wasn’t what Siyeon meant but she let it slide.  
  
The waiter gave them a table in the corner, away from any kind of noise that would disturb Siyeon.  
  
They ordered their food, and looked at each other with a smile.  
  
God , how much she wanted to kiss that smile.

“Can I ask you a question?” Bora asked.

“Sure.”

“Whenever a group of people laugh around you, you flinch. Your mood changes drastically. May I ask why?” Bora wasn’t sure if she would even answer but she needed to ask.

Siyeon wished there was food to play with right now. “Growing up, I wasn’t a normal kid. I was an outcaste. Just because I didn’t talk people thought I was a retarded or something.”  
  
Siyeon waited the waiter to drop their meals. Thanked him quietly.  
  
“They would laugh at me. They would laugh when I snapped. They would laugh when some teacher asked me to answer a question. They would bully too but their laughter just hurt more. All throughout my childhood. Even my family would laugh at me. They said I was just seeking attention by acting up. Like I told you that day.. if you remember.” 

Bora nodded. Of course she remembered.  
  
She was listening to her attentively while eating her meal. She nodded again towards Siyeon urging her to continue.

“That is, until I met Minji. She didn’t care I didn’t talk, she didn’t care I got angry often, she protected me from bullies, even if the laughter never stopped, it stopped when Minji was with me. She was there to protect me.”

Siyeon lost her appetite but she continued to eat for Bora’s sake. This meal was too expensive she didn’t want to waste it.

“Seems like Minji was there all your life. I’m grateful. She is the alpha to your pack?” Bora asked in a playful tone to lighten up the mood.

“Well my pack just contains three people. And I’m no alpha. Can you imagine Yoohyeon as an alpha?” Siyeon laughed.

“What about the rest of us? When can you include us to your pack?”

“I thought you were my other wolf.”

Bora almost choked on her saliva at Siyeon’s comment. Straightforward. Okay. “Do you want me to be?”

“Well, since I can't get rid of you..” Siyeon said playfully.

Lee fucking Siyeon. And those insane feelings of Bora. Siyeon would be the death of her.

“Lee Siyeon, will you let me be your alpha?” Bora couldn’t help but ask the question like that. Just to frustrate her.

“Oh my god, you did not just.” Siyeon looked around, “check, please!”

Bora laughed loudly at the beautiful girl sitting in front of her. She was in deep for this one. Bora grabbed Siyeon’s hands, their laughter dying out. She became serious and caressed the back of Siyeon’s hand with her thump.

“Lee siyeon, I know our start was a bumpy one. And it hasn’t been that long since we met, but from the moment I laid my eyes on you I knew I belonged to you. According to greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. I have spent my entire life searching for you. I have finally found my other half Lee Siyeon. I have found you in the dark but I intent to bring light to your life. That sounded like a marriage proposal but will you be my girlfriend wolfie?”

Siyeon sniffed and wiped her eyes trying hard not to ruin the make up Minji put on. She smiled brightly, “I will be your girlfriend crow-tit” 

“Way to ruin the mood idiot.” They both laughed at the nickname and fell into silence just admiring each other without needing to speak. 

They enjoyed the rest of the dinner, making small talks, getting to know each other.

After a pleasant dinner and their declaration of love (again) , they finally arrived at the destination.  
  
Bora gently held Siyeon’s healed hand and led her inside the building where the painting studio was, rented for the night.

Siyeon was not expecting this. She didn’t know how to paint, why would Bora bring her here? Not that she was complaining, she would love to watch Bora do her magic. “Not to be the buzz killer but I have no idea how to paint.” Siyeon said as they entered their private studio of full of different equipment for a painter.  
  
She sat down and crossed her legs to give Bora a good show of her legs.  
  
Siyeon smirked when Bora’s gaze went down to her legs almost instantly.  
  
She was her girlfriend. She could do it. Where is the harm of a little tease, right?  
  
But Bora averted her gaze, swallowing the hunger. For now.

“Don’t worry, I will teach you.”

“Can’t you paint? I will even pose for you.”

“Nude?”

Siyeon’s eyes opened widely. “What?”

“You said you will pose for me. Nude poses are a thing.” Bora smirked.

“Okay how about apples? It’s a thing too.” Siyeon’s cheeks were burning at this point.

Bora laughed at her girlfriend and grabbed an apron. “Come on wolfie, just wear this. Trust me.”

Siyeon signed in defeat and stood up. Bora’s eyes were watching her every move. Especially when Siyeon decided to take off her denim jacket to reveal a tight mini dress. Bora could swear, her heart back flipped. She handed Siyeon the apron and put one on herself.

Bora cleared her throat and gave Siyeon a brush. “Just show me what you can do first babygirl.” 

Siyeon didn’t blush at the pet name, no no. She did not. Focusing on the canvas in front of her, Siyeon drew a human. With sticks. Human stick?  
  
Bora looked at the human shaped sticks and back at Siyeon. A few times to comprehend it was real.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

Siyeon suddenly felt like a burden in the studio. Afraid that from the day one she already wasn’t enough for her girlfriend. That she already disappointed her. She knew it would happen eventually but this soon? She just wanted to leave. “Sorry, I can't fucking draw like you do.” She hurried to take off her apron with shaky hands as she turned her back to Bora.

“Siyeon.” she turned Siyeon to face her and pressed her up against the door with her body. She might be the smaller one but she was strong. She didn’t mind her mood swings. She would do anything in her power to make it okay. And right now all she wanted to do was to kiss her. Devour her. Take her right there. 

Siyeon gasped in surprise, letting the apron fall from her hands but she didn’t dare to speak as Bora’s face was really close to her own. Her heart rate was picking up rapidly.  
Bora finally closed the gap between them and claimed her lips in a passionate kiss. Siyeon didn’t waste any time to reciprocate just as passionately. Siyeon’s fingers slid up her back and tangled in the long brown hair at her nape. She closed her eyes and leaned closer. Bora pressed Siyeon against her body harder leaving no gap. Though her body told her to devour Siyeon, her partially functioning brain wanted to treasure the feeling of her soft lips against hers for the first time.

It was like fireworks on her mind. Nothing like she ever experienced with anyone. She needed her. She needed Siyeon like she needed air. Siyeon was her air and she didn’t even know she was suffocating.

Bora let out a soft moan as her lips caressed hers. Siyeon's lips were made for her. They fit like two pieces of puzzle. Siyeon responded with total submission— her body limp, if Bora wasn't pressed against her she wouldn't have the energy to keep herself up. Her fingers digging into her scalp. They were both waiting for this moment to happen. The sexual tension they had leading up to this moment. It drove them crazy.

But that wasn’t the only thing driving Bora crazy. The taste of her mouth, her scent, her warm, soft body against hers, the sound of longing she made in the back of her throat. Everything drove Bora crazy. Siyeon’s tongue brushed her lip and Bora’s body tensed as if she’d been struck by lightning. Bora felt a sting on her lip, Siyeon’s tongue soothing her bottom lip she just bit.  
  
Bora eagerly followed, caressing Siyeon’s lips with the tip of her tongue, and then touched her tongue with hers. When the younger girl’s tongue tentatively caressed hers in return, another moan escaped her mouth. Their tongues battling together, Bora’s tongue easily dominating the other’s. The only sound in the room is their sloppy, wet kiss sounds and their heavy breaths with soft whimpers. After several moments, they pulled away to breathe. 

“Sit on the couch, babygirl.” Bora gave Siyeon one last peck on the lips and made her way to the door to lock it. Bora took off her apron too, tossing it aside.

Siyeon’s legs were trembling and it took her a second to comprehend what Bora said. She did as she was told and sat on the sofa on the corner of the room.  
  
Possibly for posing,, she thought.  
  
Bora walked back towards Siyeon and wasted no time in capturing her lips again in passionate kiss again, pushing her back flat on the sofa at the same time, sitting on her lap. Siyeon’s hands found her way to Bora’s thighs and deepened the kiss with her tongue.  
  
Bora swallowed Siyeon’s whimper against her mouth. She had to have her. She had to taste her. Now.  
  
Bora’s open mouthed kisses traveled down Siyeon’s neck, causing her to lean her head backwards to give her girlfriend more access. Bora assaulted Siyeon’s neck with bites and sucks, leaving marks all over it. Siyeon’s deep but low whimpers filling the room. Sounds that Bora was planning to make louder.  
  
It was a blessing and a curse that Siyeon wore a tight mini dress. A blessing because Bora had access to her lady parts easily. Curse because her breasts were tightly wrapped in the dress.  
  
With one last bite on Siyeon’s neck and soothing it with her tongue, Bora debated in her mind if she should try to take the dress off or just slide it down enough for her breasts to pop out.

Siyeon was breathing heavily and looked at Bora with hunger in her eyes. “So much for art.”

“You are art.” Bora said before kissing her softly while her hands worked on the dress, slid it down to her belly with her bra.  
  
It wasn't that hard,, Bora thought.  
  
She leaned back a little on Siyeon’s lap to admire her breasts. Bora licked her lips, “so beautiful.” She whispered and her hands cupped Siyeon’s perfectly shaped breasts. Bora stroked her nipple with her fingertips, drawing it to a harden. She lowered her head, flicked her nipple with her tongue and then sucked it into her mouth. Siyeon gasped and let out a low groan. Bora sucked hard, stroking the underside of her nipple and breast with her tongue.  
  
Bora repeated the same treatment on Siyeon’s other breast. Siyeon’s fingers stole into the soft strands of Bora’s long brown hair, holding her there. Bora lifted her head and blew a cool breath over her moist nipple. Siyeon’s body jerked and she tried to close her thighs to get some pleasure but it was hard when Bora was standing in between her legs, keeping them open.  
  
Bora’s mouth left a trail of wet kisses all over her breast, causing Siyeon a flood of heat between her legs. Siyeon was a mess down there. And Bora knew that. Siyeon was too turned on to be embarrased.  
  
Her hands lifted the dress up to her stomach to reveal her panties that was soaked by now.  
  
Bora looked at Siyeon’s eyes silently asking for permission to continue.  
  
“p-please.” was all Siyeon could mutter.  
  
That was enough for Bora to continue.  
  
Bora placed herself on her knees on the floor and pulled Siyeon on the edge of the sofa.  
  
She blew a cool breath over the soaked panties and Siyeon moaned. “Please Bora.” She was a whining mess right now but she didn't care. Bora used the distraction to slide her panties from her body.  
  
Bora wrapped a hand around each leg, just above her knees and spread her thighs wide. She inhaled her essence deeply through her nose and kissed Siyeon’s inner thigh , watching her squirm and whine.  
  
Her hair brushed the insides of Siyeon’s thighs as she lowered her head. Siyeon tensed again. Bora finally sucked her clit into her mouth and stroked it with the tip of her tongue, Bora groaned at Siyeon’s taste. She was delicious. It felt like Bora was starving as she gripped Siyeon’s legs tight as if she was afraid Siyeon was going to slip away. She continued sucking and stroking Siyeon’s clit with her tongue with so much hunger you’d think she was really starving.  
  
Siyeon’s eyes were shut tightly, her one hand inside Bora’s hair, nails digging hard on her scalp, the other hand was gripping the couch like her life depended on it. Nothing ever felt this good for Siyeon.  
  
“o-oh my god Bora.” Siyeon groaned louder this time as Bora’s tongue was assaulting her clit rougher. Her mind was all over the place, there were fireworks and stars in her eyes. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t do anything other than gasping for air and moaning Bora’s name loudly.  
  
Bora sucked her way down to Siyeon’s enter. Which made Siyeon shift her hips, eager to take Bora.  
  
“Please d-don’t stop” Siyeon breathed out pushing Bora’s head harder between her thighs.  
  
“You want me here, baby?” Bora traced her fingertip on Siyeon’s center. Her hot breath on Siyeon’s wet clit caused her to whine loudly.  
  
“Y-yes, fuck, yes Bora.” She begged.  
  
She drew her hand away, leaving Siyeon wanting. Siyeon cursed internally. Kim fucking Bora.  
  
Bora lowered her head again with a smirk and drew her tongue along inside of her labia, never once looking away from Siyeon. She flicked it across her anus and then trailed it back up the other side.  
  
“fuuuuck,” Siyeon groaned loudly unable to hold the staring contest as her head fell back to the sofa.  
  
Bora sucked her clit back into her mouth and Siyeon’s hips bucked involuntarily. While Bora sucked her and stroked her with her tongue, her fingers traced the rim of Siyeon’s center, never dipping inside, just teasing her to the point of tears.  
  
Bora kept her at the brink of orgasm. Whenever her breath would hitch as she approached release, Bora would pause in her torment until she settled down again.  
  
“fucking god Bora please!” Siyeon cried out, her tears rolling down her cheek uncontrollably at the rejected orgasm.  
  
She slid a finger inside her easily. Streching her walls gently, her tongue never stopped licking and sucking her clit. Siyeon felt so warm around her fingers.  
  
Siyeon moaned Bora’s name over and over again while Bora’s fingers thrusted in and out way too slowly for her liking.  
  
Then Bora slid two more fingers inside her.  
  
Siyeon cried out, her back arching. Bora curled her fingers and pressed up inside her, slowly withdrawing until she screamed with release. Warm liquid flowing down Bora’s fingers as she rubbed that perfect spot inside until Siyeon’s legs trembled and her thighs clamped together over Bora’s head.  
  
Bora left kisses on her sensitive clit here and there and patiently waited Siyeon to calm down. When her body stopped trembling, Siyeon forced herself to relax her leg lock on Bora’s head. Bora placed one last kiss on Siyeon’s sensetive swollen pussy as she removed her fingers.  
  
She locked her eyes with Siyeon, and stood up to her feet. Bora’s hand and chin, even her nose were dripping Siyeon’s cum and wetness.  
  
She bent down over Siyeon still laying breathless on the sofa and dragged her wet fingers over her lips. “clean up, baby.” Bora said.  
  
Siyeon obeyed almost instantly, she opened her mouth to let Bora’s fingers in. Siyeon rolled her tongue on Bora’s fingers, sucked and licked it clean, keeping her gaze on Bora while doing so.  
  
Bora’s view was a sight to see. Siyeon almost naked on the sofa, with her legs still open, her pussy pink and swollen, sucking her own cum off of Bora’s fingers. Yes that’s the sight Bora wanted to see. Everyday if possible.  
  
Siyeon finished cleaning up Bora’s fingers and Bora removed them from her mouth to kiss her tenderly. Siyeon’s lips tasted and smelled like herself. Intimate. Bora smiled on her lips and lifted her head up to stare into her eyes.

“I love you, Lee Siyeon.” Bora whispered.

“I love you, Kim Bora.” Siyeon whispered back. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up, baby.” Bora kissed her one last time before standing up. Her knees were numb but god was it worth it.

“Wait, what about you?” Siyeon asked shyly.

“It was enough to watch you scream my name.” Bora winked at her and searched for a napkin in her purse. If she knew this was going to happen, she would have came prepared. 

Siyeon moved herself up to sit down but her entire body ached.  
  
Ah, great,, Siyeon thought, worth it.  
  
Bora finally found a napkin to clean her girlfriend, but when she turned around Siyeon was already up, tidying up her dress. So she cleaned her chin instead.

“Are you okay?” Bora asked. 

“Yes, that was the best sex and date I’ve ever had.” Siyeon said smiling while still trying to fix her dress. That damn mini dress. She was going to throw this out. For sure.

“How many did you have?” 

“Two.” Yes, Siyeon finally got that dress how it was supposed to be.

“Who were they?” Bora patiently waited Siyeon to finish up fixing her dress and hair.

“Does it matter?” Siyeon was getting annoyed. Why did it even matter?

“Well since we are dating now, and I made you officially mine right there,” Bora pointed the sofa, “I think I deserve to know.”

Siyeon thought for a second. Yes Bora deserved to know. But could she handle it?

“Can we get out of here first? It smells like sex.” Siyeon said trying to buy herself time to figure out how she could even explain it.

Her first sex was with Minji after they moved out from their town and came to Seoul for uni.  
  
It was during Siyeon’s break down. She needed something to fill the void inside of her. Fill the void her mother left in her. She practically begged Minji to have sex with her. Be her first.  
  
Of course Minji didn’t give in at first, but after lots of begging and attempts of seducing her, Minji did give in. Now how could she explain it to her? Siyeon didn’t want Bora to look at her nor Minji differently.  
  
When they left the building they decided to walk hand in hand to Siyeon’s not so far apartment.

“So, who were they?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Bora.”

“I had sex three times. All with my exes.” Bora told her to ease Siyeon’s mind a little. 

Siyeon sighed. She knew Bora wouldn’t let it go now. “Your after sex talk needs improving.”

Bora laughed loudly at her comment, which made Siyeon smile hearing that turkey sound again.

“My first was with Minji. No, we didn’t like each other in that way. I was going through some stuff and I begged Minji to be my first. It took my whole night to make her give in. I didn’t want to die a virgin. My second was with a girl named Minnie. We met in a bar and it was like a one night thing.”

Bora paused, her heart was screaming with jealousy but her mind was saying let it go. 

Don’t spook her. She opened up to you, don’t spook her, Bora thought.

She nodded slowly, sinking in the new information that was thrown at her. She did not expect this. Would she look at Minji different now? She was just trying to help Siyeon. In any way she could. She would’ve done to same to Handong if she needed it.

Bora decided to let it go. Maybe she could talk to Minji about it. “Okay.” Was all she said with a smile, reassuring Siyeon that it didn’t affect her.

“Okay?” Well that's new.

“I don’t care about your past, Siyeon. As long as I’m your future. I know how much Minji loves you, how much you love her. I would never get in between you two or ask you to change a roommate or something. I trust you.”

“You.. you don’t look at me differently? You still want me?” Siyeon couldn’t believe this was true. It was too good to be true. No one ever wanted Siyeon, no one ever kissed or touched Siyeon, the way Bora did. It was so new to her that she didn't know how to react.

“Of course idiot, I will always want you.” Bora smiled at her and tip-toed to kiss her cheek.

“You still smell like me.” Siyeon chuckled.

“Mhm. Never eating or drinking again.” 

“There is more where it came from though.” Siyeon winked at her girlfriend.

“Oh is that an invitation?” 

“If you are good, we will see.” They both laughed together, talking about anything till they reached Siyeon’s apartment.

Bora pulled Siyeon close by her collar and pressed her lips against Siyeon’s, kissing her softly for a second. “good night, my beautiful wolfie.” She whispered and pecked her lips again. It seemed like she couldn’t get enough.

“Good night, my little bird.” Siyeon said breathless, smiling against Bora’s lips.

As Siyeon made her way back to her apartment, eager to tell Minji everything about it, she felt something new at the pit of her stomach. She felt like there were butterflies in there. Was this what happiness felt like?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a lil help with the smut bc damn it is hard to write about sex


	5. Chapter 5

Siyeon stopped climbing upstairs. She didn’t want this night to end so soon. She raced downstairs quickly, “Bora!” she called out. She felt so relieved that Bora was still there.

“Is everything okay?” Bora raised her eyebrow and watched her girlfriend catch her breath. God she was so adorable.

“Do you-” she took a deep breath, “-wanna come upstairs?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Bora told the taxi driver to leave and held her girlfriend’s hand as they walked inside her apartment. 

“Hey Singnie, how was your date?” Minji came out of the bathroom when she heard the door open, she was drying her hair with a towel and when she finally looked up, she saw Bora taking her shoes and jacket off with Siyeon. “Oh, Bora, hey, sorry I wasn’t expecting you.” Minji laughed softly.

“Can we talk for a second Minji?” Bora asked.

Minji looked at Siyeon but she was avoiding eye contact with Minji and it was making Minji worried. What did she do this time?  
  
Siyeon quickly excused herself to go to her bedroom and closed the door. 

“Okay.. Do you want something to eat or drink?” Minji asked as she made her way to the kitchen, followed by Bora.

“I don’t want to lose the taste in my mouth actually.” Bora chuckled and took a seat in the kitchen.  
  
Minji knew what it meant and she laughed loudly, “oh god you didn’t have to put that image in my mind.”

“Nothing you haven’t seen apparently.” Bora didn’t mean to sound bitter nor jealous but she couldn’t stop the words coming out of her mouth.

Minji bit her bottom lip and took a seat across Bora. “She told you. Look, fuck, Bora there is nothing going on between-“

“I know, I know. I didn’t mean to sound jealous. I don’t even know why I wanted to talk, I just.. Okay you got me, Jesus, I was jealous.” Bora rolled her eyes at herself. Why did she have to be so stupid? “I mean, I’m not that kind of person that wants a pure girl to take her virginity. But somehow I can’t shake off that feeling.” 

“It’s okay. If it helps, I didn’t want to do it. She is like my sister, Bora. But if you had seen..” Minji couldn’t finish her sentence and looked down at her lap. “I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship.”

“Of course not. Now if you excuse me, I need to mark what is mine. Wear headphones.” Bora winked at her friend who whined in result and walked to Siyeon’s bedroom. She knocked gently on the door. she heard a soft “come in.”  
  
Bora saw Siyeon taking her make up off in her bed. She looked like a little baby with her pajamas. “Did you let it out?” Siyeon looked at Bora with a smile. “You could’ve talked to me you know?” she glanced at her lap, her expression thoughtful.

“I know, sweetheart.” Bora’s heart thudded with sadness. She couldn’t stand the idea of Siyeon being sad. She closed the gap between them and gently pushed Siyeon back on the bed, straddling her hips. “You did nothing wrong.” Bora kissed the corner of Siyeon’s mouth. “Please stop worrying.” She kissed her jawline. “You are so beautiful.” 

As Bora kissed Siyeon’s eyelids, jaw, nose and mouth very tenderly she kept saying how much she loved Siyeon, how beautiful Siyeon was.  
  
A tear broke free from Siyeon’s eye because she never heard anyone kissing her with such love like Bora. She never had anyone telling her how beautiful she was or how much they loved Siyeon because no one did.  
  
As soon as Bora felt Siyeon’s salty tear on her lips, she stopped immediately and sat up straight on Siyeon’s lap. “Did I say or do something wrong? What’s wrong baby?”

Siyeon shook her head and shut her eyes tightly, she just couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. She wasn’t sad, she just wasn’t used to it. Even Minji didn’t make her feel like that. Minji didn’t kiss her tenderly, or told her she was beautiful. It was just sex between friends. This was something entirely different. 

“Hey Siyeon look at me. Whatever you want to do is what we will do.” Bora cupped Siyeon’s face and wiped away her tears with her thumb. “Sweetheart, look at me.”

Siyeon looked at Bora and whispered, “No one ever told me I was beautiful.” 

“You are the most beautiful person in this world, Siyeon. Don’t you ever doubt that.” Bora leaned down to kiss her lips softy. “you are my beautiful.” She kissed her again. “My wolfie.” Again. “Mine.” 

Siyeon deserved to be treasured. She deserved everything and Bora was going to make Siyeon feel beautiful all night long.  
  
She bent her head to kiss her eyelids again. Her cheeks. The tip of her nose. Even though Siyeon offered her mouth, she refused her lips. “Patience, sweetheart.” Bora kissed her jaw, and her neck just beneath her ear. Her pulse drummed just beneath Bora’s lips. Siyeon sighed and buried her fingers in Bora’s hair, tilting her head to the side to allow her easy access. Siyeon’s skin was damp and cool. So Bora used her mouth to warm a trail down the side of her neck making Siyeon whimper. 

“Wait, wait!” Siyeon said a bit too loud, because Bora was worried again.

“What happened?” Bora asked.

Siyeon rolled both of them over on the bed and sat on Bora’s lap instead. Bora sat up straight to wrap her arms around Siyeon, pressing her body closer to hers as they kissed passionately. The room was filled with sloppy, messy kisses for what felt like hours until they had to stop to breathe. 

“But it’s your turn.” Siyeon was breathless once again and leaned her forehead on Bora’s. 

“Not yet.” Bora was determined to make her feel beautiful. Bora pulled Siyeon for another kiss. “Straddle, baby. Can you do that?” 

Siyeon was shocked at how easily Bora dominated her with such care and love. She wanted to make Bora hers, and devour her as well but Bora had different plans. Plans that Siyeon wasn’t planning on saying no. The way Bora kissed and marked all over her neck, the way Bora’s hands were gripping tightly on Siyeon’s ass and guiding her to straddle Bora’s right thigh. It was all too new to Siyeon. She had no idea what to do but Bora didn’t mind it as she guided her hips to slowly to ride her thigh.

“Like this.” Bora whispered in Siyeon’s ear with such deep voice, Siyeon was about to come to that voice alone.  
  
She wrapped her arms around Bora’s neck and gave her girlfriend more access to her neck. She did as she was told and began to rock her hips slowly against Bora’s thigh. “That’s good, babygirl. You’re doing great.” Bora bit her earlobe, and Siyeon had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from moaning too loud. This position was something she had never tried before and it felt amazing even without a simple touch from Bora.  
  
Siyeon knew her underwear was a mess right now. She was already close and Bora didn’t even touch the needy part that needs attention. Her eyes rolled back, whimpers and groans got louder with each thrust against her thigh and it didn’t help Bora’s tongue never stopped assaulting her neck and shoulders. She knew she’d be covered in marks tomorrow.

“Bora.” Siyeon whispered and slowed down her motions. “Please touch me.” she cried out. 

“I didn’t tell you to stop, did I sweetheart?” Bora slapped her butt before gripping it hard enough to make Siyeon moan as Bora made her start grinding again. 

Siyeon was about to come to the pet name and the authority in Bora’s voice. It all felt too good. Siyeon contiuned to rock her hips, a little faster this time. Bora’s hand found its way under Siyeon’s shirt and pinched her nipple. 

“Bora, I’m-” Siyeon couldn’t finish her sentence , instead a loud moan left her lips. She held on to Bora’s shoulders like her life depended on it. Her thighs were trembling and if it wasn’t for Bora’s hand on her hip to guide her back and forth she wouldn’t have any strength in her to keep it up. “please..” Siyeon pleaded but she had no idea what she was begging for. Her mind wasn’t working at this point. 

“Please, what babygirl?” Bora looked at her girlfriend’s face with lust, hunger and love. Siyeon’s eyes were closed, head leaned back, mouth agape, moaning her name loudly. Bora wanted to see that sight everyday. She was so beautiful. 

“I’m-” Siyeon was cut off by Bora’s lips against her. Siyeon broke the kiss to let out a loud moan, and rocked her hips faster with Bora’s help until she screamed with release. She panted on Bora’s shoulder and tried to calm her breathing. She was still thinking how she came so hard when Bora didn’t even touch her.

“You are mine.” Bora kissed her again once Siyeon was calm. “My beautiful girl.” Bora slid her hand under Siyeon’s pajamas and slowly rubbed her fingers on her wet folds slowly. “Can you come one more time for me, sweetheart?” Bora didn’t wait for an answer as she pushed two of her fingers deep inside her.  
  
Siyeon’s body jerked and she bit Bora’s shoulder again to stop herself from screaming. “Y-yes.” She whispered. 

Bora pulled her fingers back only to push them back harder this time. She curled up her fingers and her thumb rubbed over the hood of her clit.  
  
Siyeon knew it wouldn’t take long for her to finish on Bora’s hand again, she was already close. Siyeon started to ride Bora’s fingers without even noticing and her eyes were shut close as she moved up and down on her fingers a bit faster. Siyeon tried to hold her orgasm but with Bora’s fingers curling up inside her and her thumb rubbing her clit wasn’t helping. Siyeon held on to Bora tightly and screamed with release, yet again.  
  
When Bora felt Siyeon’s warm cum on her fingers, she slowly removed them inside of her, careful not to hurt her. “Good girl. My girl.” Bora waited till Siyeon stopped trembling in her arms and when she was relaxed enough to function, she kissed Bora like she was thanking her with a kiss full of love.

“I love you so much, Bora.” Siyeon whispered.  
  
“I love you so much, sweetheart.” Bora smiled. 

That night was full of love and lust as they claimed each other over and over again all night long.

Their semester was coming to an end.  
  
Bora and Siyeon were going strong in their relationship. Bora knew by now how to handle Siyeon’s sudden mood swings, or her anger. She knew when to let her be, or when to push her.  
  
They had arguments, and heated fights here and there and sometimes it was over the smallest things but with Minji’s advices, Bora got better at keeping the heated fights to minimum.  
  
Their sex life was giving Minji or Handong a headache, for sure.  
  
Siyeon had grown closer to other girls in time. She’d call Gahyeon her little sister now.  
  
They had double dates with Yoohyeon and Minji which were also going strong in their relationship.  
  
When Siyeon first found out about them she was sad, she thought Minji would leave her, she didn’t take it well, but with Bora’s assurance, Siyeon got over it.  
  
Siyeon kept her promise and sang for Bora. And Bora fell for her even more. Was that even possible?  
  
They would stay over in each other’s apartments most of the week. Sometimes they did a movie marathon, sometimes they just read a book, or sometimes they sang to each other.

Siyeon liked to call these girls her pack. Minji was still their alpha, though. No doubt.

Everything was going good with the girls.

Until Bora started to notice Siyeon’s attitude change towards everyone. Even to Bora.  
  
At first it was just small exchange of words with her friends. She would get angry over the smallest things. She would look bored, out of her mind during lunch breaks. She wouldn’t talk, touch or eat anything.  
  
Her energy level, judgment, memory, concentration, appetite, sleep patterns, sex drive, and self-esteem dropped drastically.

Then Siyeon started come to her classes smelling like alcohol. She would drink anytime she could. She would get into fights in bars, and come home with swollen eye or fractured knuckles. 

\--- Flashback.

Siyeon flushed the toilet and leaned against it. She pressed the back of her wrist against her mouth and swallowed several times to fight her nausea.  
No good.  
She rushed forward and vomited into the toilet again. She felt Bora’s hands on her hair to hold it back for her.  
“You need to stop drinking, baby, please.” Bora pleaded to Siyeon. It was the 6th time this week.  
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do.” Siyeon gasped, and threw up again.  
Bora sighed knowing Siyeon wouldn’t listen to her anyway. She stroked her hair to calm her down. “Then please start taking your pills, this can’t keep happening.”  
Siyeon leaned against the cool, metal partition and flushed the toilet. She stood there for a moment and finally decided she felt well enough come out.  
“i’m fine, Bora.”

\--

She wouldn’t listen to Bora or Minji. She wouldn’t start taking her pills. She would refuse to acknowledge her behaviour was changed. That she needed help. Most people with bipolar disorder needed medication to prevent new episodes and stay symptom-free. Siyeon told Bora that she used to take lithium, a widely used mood stabilizer, but she stopped because it made her feel like a zombie.

And lastly she started skipping her classes.  
  
Minji said she was sleeping 24/7 and no matter what she did, she wouldn’t wake up. Bora texted her, called her and went to her house but her door was locked at all costs. Even Minji didn’t know if she was eating or if she was harming herself.  
  
Bora would sit on the floor, press her back against the cold door and talk to Siyeon everyday. No answer. No reaction. Nothing could be heard inside of her room.  
  
Minji told her it was normal, that Bora just had to let Siyeon be for a while but Bora couldn’t do that to love of her life.  
  
Bora’s mother told her one day that if she was a key entered the wrong door, don’t push it. She would break.  


‘why don’t you trust them?’ a voice asked Siyeon.

She laughed. “because they are liars, jerks.” She rolled over to other side of the bed.  
  
She slept.  
  
She woke up.  
  
She thought it would pass.  
  
It didn’t.  
  
She slept again.  
  
She didn’t eat. She wasn’t hungry. The only thing that kept her alive was water. “there are no human being on earth that wont hurt you for their interests.”

‘These people are different. You love them.’ The voice spoke again.

Siyeon remained silent for a moment. Did she? “Love is a curse.”

‘What makes you say that?’ the voice asked.

“It starts with small impacts, like curses you wouldn’t mind. Then you will feel them at the back of your head.” Siyeon gripped on her hair, “Not to protect you, to fuck you over.”

‘Why don’t you end it?’ 

Siyeon stood up from her bed, she pressed her palms on her ears and whispered, “stop.”

“End this, Siyeon.” the voice got louder. ‘Don’t you want to get rid of me?’

She wanted to. Oh god she wanted to so bad. But she had a promise to keep. She would try.  
  
Siyeon laughed. She pressed her back on the wall, slid down against it while she laughed like a mad woman. 

Siyeon was tired. She was tired of putting up a happy face around Bora. Around her friends.  
  
Laughter.  
  
She was tired of feeling like nothing could make her love breathing again.  
  
Laughter.  
  
She was tired of wanting to die, because wanting to die was worse than actually dying.  
  
Her laugh turned into a scream.  
  
Every breath felt like her last, every breath made her ache for it to be the last. 

\--- flashback.

“How is she?” Yoohyeon asked as she walked in the house with Gahyeon beside her.  
  
Minji shook her head before kissing her girlfriend.  
  
Bora watched them with envy. Why couldn’t her stupid heart fall for someone normal? Instead her girlfriend was locked up in her room and all she could hear were screams and sobs here and there.  
  
A scream echoed in the house. Bora clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, it was killing her that she couldn’t help Siyeon. Gahyeon was startled and she looked at Bora. “What happened?”  
  
Bora ignored her question and wiped away her tears as she walked to the door, knocking softly. “Baby? Look Gahyeon is here. Please talk to her at least.”  
  
Siyeon had a soft spot for Gahyeon, she was the youngest of the group and Siyeon liked to have a little sister she could take care of.  
  
She jumped back in fear when there was a loud thud at the door.  
  
There was Bora’s answer.

\--

Siyeon woke up from her coma like sleep. She wanted to go back to sleep where she felt dead. But her stomach had different plans as it rumbled loudly. When did she last eat? She didn’t remember. Hell, she didn’t even remember what day it was today. Or what time.  
  
She reluctantly rolled her feet down her bed. But her head didn’t want to get up.

“Hey..?” she whispered in the darkness, checking to see if the voice would answer back.

‘Did you miss me?’ the voice asked.

Siyeon didn’t bother answering back. She just wanted to know if it was still there. It was.  
  
She walked to her door slowly, her legs were trembling. How long hasn’t she been walking?  
  
When she unlocked her door and opened it, she saw Minji sleeping on the sofa, curled up in a blanket.  
  
Siyeon watched her friend for a bit. She wondered why the hell did she sleep here instead of her room and comfortable bed.  
  
Siyeon heard foot steps in the kitchen and last time she checked there were only two people living in the house. 

“Siyeon?”

Siyeon turned her head to see Bora, in her pajamas, with a cup of tea in her hand.

“What are you doing here?” Siyeon asked coldly. 

Bora had never seen Siyeon this bad. She had swollen eyes from sleeping too much, she smelled like she didn’t take a shower for ages. Her once muscular body was now so thin that she could count her bones.

“I was staying here, in case you needed me.” Bora took a step closer to Siyeon but regretted it when Siyeon took a step back immediately.  
  
Minji opened her eyes slowly due to voices and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Siyeon?” Minji muttered like she didn’t believe it was real.

“That’s my name. Have we just fucking met?” Siyeon muttered. She passed by Bora to go to kitchen. She was followed by two women. Minji wouldn’t let this opportunity to go to waste. 

“Can you talk to us now please, Siyeon?” Minji asked.

‘so desperate.’

“Shut up.” Siyeon whispered and leaned against the kitchen table, her back against the girls.  
  
Minji wasn’t having it anymore. She needed a wake up call before it got out of hand.

“Shut up? SHUT UP? All we did was to keep our mouth shut!” Minji yelled. She grabbed Siyeon’s hand to turn her body towards her. “We watched you get your ass kicked in bars, we watched you get wasted every fucking day. We watched you sleep for days, we gave you space! But WE have to shut up?” 

Bora froze. The outrage in Minji’s voice frightened her. She needed to leave. This was between family. But wasn’t she family too? This was her girlfriend. 

‘Looks like you lost her love too. You’re pathetic.’

Siyeon shook her head. No. Minji loved her. This was just her way of showing love. It had to be. 

‘Look at your girlfriend.’

Siyeon obeyed the voice. Bora was frozen in her spot, she was terrified. Did she stop loving her too?

“When was the last time you ate, Siyeon? When was the last time you took a shower? Do you think I want to come home and find you unconscious, wrists cut open, AGAIN? I don’t fucking want to lose you, Siyeon! and I’m sure neither does your girlfriend. Who was here for days, waiting you to wake up by the way! The least you can do is to be fucking nice to her! I don’t want to sweep your blood off of the bathtub nor the floor! AGAIN!” Minji stepped closer to Siyeon, “You are like a fish that needs air time to time, you are under water, but you are so deep down. You want someone to pull you up but you run away from everyone else that tries to save you. Aren’t you tired of drowning Siyeon? So we are going to your doctor tomorrow, you are going back to therapy and you are going to take your fucking pills. Am I clear, Siyeon?” 

No.

Siyeon was too tired to argue. She didn’t want to admit that Minji was right but who did she think she is ordering her like that? “You are not my mom, Minji.” 

“No, your mother left you. And your father hates you. I am all you fucking got!” 

Ouch.

Minji didn't just raise her voice, she got right in close for maximum impact. She regretted it as soon as words left her mouth. The terrified look on Bora, the anger and hatred in Siyeon’s eyes. She fucked up but there was no coming back now.  


The words triggered something in Siyeon. she needed to let her anger and sadness explode somewhere safe. The only person she trusted the most used that against her. 

“Siyeon, I’m-“ Minji’s sentence was interrupted.

“Fuck you.” Siyeon said and walked to her room, bumping her shoulder to Minji’s.

Bora was still frozen at her spot. Unsure of what to do. She didn’t even want to look at Minji. How could she say it to her knowing damn well Siyeon never healed from that.  
  
Minji started sobbing and Bora felt the need to comfort her friend. But her girlfriend was more important.  
  
Broken lamp, scattered books and screams came from Siyeon’s room. Every inch of her body told her to leave. This Siyeon scared the crap out of her. She was too unstable, too unpredictable. But she stupidly ignored the instinct that told her to get the hell out of there.  
  
Bora slowly walked to her room and her mouth fell open watching her girlfriend trash the place. She had pulled over her dresser, her clothes lay strewn all over the place. She had pulled pictures of Minji and herself off the wall and smashed them.  
  
She almost closed the door and left, wanting to forget about this girl who was currently destroying all of her possessions. That would have been the safe and sane thing to do. Instead she stepped inside of her room and gently closed the door, not wanting to spook Siyeon and get a lamp thrown at her.  
  
Bora watched her girlfriend in silence. She wanted Siyeon to let her anger out. She flinched every now and then when something smashed on the floor.  
  
After what felt like years, Siyeon collapsed on the floor, she brought her knees to her chest and began to rock, back and forth. Her body started to shook with the force of sobs.  
  
Bora remembered the first time she held Siyeon during her attack, her first instinct was to rock her back and forth. It calmed her down. Whenever Siyeon felt sad Bora would rock her.  
  
Bora made her way towards Siyeon and placed herself behind her. She gently wrapped her arms around Siyeon’s waist and pulled her closer to her chest. Siyeon was rigid for a second before she relaxed on her touch.  
  
Bora rocked her back and forth slowly. Siyeon looked so small. Bora put her chin on top of her head and she started whisper-singing the very first song she sang in her ear to calm her down.  
  
Back and forth.  
  
Siyeon’s sobs calmed down when bora started singing to her. After a while it stopped completely. Bora took this opportunity to stand up from floor, pulling her girlfriend with her. Siyeon didn’t resist her thankfully.  
  
Bora kept holding her hand, afraid that she might ran away or throw things on the floor again. But it seemed like Siyeon was in trance. Her eyes were red and blood shot. Bora carefully dragged Siyeon with her and walked to the bathroom together, and she locked the door behind them.  
  
She turned on the hot and cold water in the tub, she watched the water filling the tub for a second. She didn’t want it to be too cold or too hot. She wanted her girlfriend to relax.  
  
While the tub was filling, Bora turned her attention back on Siyeon who was staring into nothingness. Siyeon looked so hollow right now.  
  
Bora carefully took off her clothes one by one. She still waited Siyeon to object but she got nothing. It looked like Siyeon felt nothing. But Bora knew better. She checked the tempature of the water, it was good and high enough so she turned off the water.  
  
Once Siyeon was naked, Bora urged her to step into the tub. Siyeon obeyed like a lost puppy. She sat in the water and her body relaxed again.  
  
This girl scared the crap out of me, Bora thought.  
  
Bora was right though. She could count the bones on her body. She looked like she could drift in the wind. She needed to eat. Bora was willing to chop off her arm to feed her lover.  
  
Bora sat on the edge of the tub, she stroked siyeon’s hair softly and smiled at her girlfriend.  
  
“I love you my beautiful wolf.” Siyeon didn’t need advice, or telling her what to do. She needed comfort. She needed to feel love. And Bora was going to give it to her.  
  
She washed her girlfriend with care, letting the dirt, anger, guilt, sadness wash away. When she was done, she wrapped a tower around Siyeon’s body like a baby and walked to her trashed bedroom. Siyeon was still in trance, she was like a puppet and the strings were on Bora’s hand. She dried her body gently, and she confidentially looked for fresh scars or cuts on her body while doing so. Bora felt so relieved when she found none.  
  
After dressing Siyeon in just a big black hoodie, they got under covers in the bed. Siyeon snuggled closer to Bora’s arms, wrapped tightly around her. Drifting off into sleep together.  
  
Siyeon knew what she had to do. She smiled against Bora’s chest.  
  
“I love you too little bird.”  
  
She made up her mind.


	6. The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song to listen through the chapter Billie Eilish - Listen Before I Go.

Siyeon opened her eyes slowly due to lack of oxygen, Bora’s arms and legs were wrapped around her protectively and tightly, that Siyeon was suffocating.

“Bora.” She whispered to wake her girlfriend up. Bora whimpered but didn’t loosen her hold. Siyeon looked at her girlfriend’s face. She wanted to memorise every tiny detail in her face. “I can’t breathe, Bora.” Siyeon tried again. On second thought, dying in her arms would be a perfect ending for Siyeon.  
  
Unfortunately, Bora heard her this time and she reluctantly let go of Siyeon. Just enough to let her breathe. 

“Good morning, baby.” Bora’s voice was husky and low. Normally it would’ve made Siyeon feel heat between her legs. Now she felt nothing.  
  
Siyeon rolled back to lie flat on her back. She had to face Minji one way or another.

‘She was right. You lost the only person that cared about your pathetic ass.’ The voice was back.

Siyeon turned her back to Bora and covered her ears. “Not now, please, stop.” She whispered to herself, pleaded to the voice. It never cared. 

“What did you say, sweetheart? Are you okay?” Bora put her chin on Siyeon’s shoulder to take a good look at her. She removed the younger’s hand from her ear and kissed the back of it.

‘She deserves better than a miserable girl than you.’

Siyeon laughed. “You think I don’t know that already?” 

Okay, Bora was confused. Did she ask a question and forgot about it afterwards? “Siyeon?”

Siyeon suddenly freed herself from Bora’s hold and stood up. She paced around the room back and forth, biting her ruined nails. “I don’t want to face Minji. Get her out of here. Please get her out of here.” 

Bora was now sitting on the bed and she was watching her girlfriend in horror. She looked like a man woman. Bora realized there was so much more going on inside her mind that she didn’t know about. And it scared her deeply. With one last look at Siyeon, she unlocked the door and left the room closing the door behind. Which was a mistake because she heard it lock again. 

“Minji?” she asked. She was nowhere to be seen.

“Siyeon?” Minji’s voice sounded so hopeful when she came out of her room but only to be crashed. “Bora. How is she?”

“How could you do that to her?” Bora was mad. She hated Minji for speaking to Siyeon like that. “How could you say it to her, you know better than anyone that she never healed from that.”

“I’m so sorry, but she needed a wake up call, I had to be harsh on her. that’s the only way she understands, sometimes.” Minji didn’t look at Bora. No. She couldn’t look at Bora. She knew her mistake, but it would either get Siyeon back on track or fall off track. They just didn’t know which one it would be.

“She was talking to someone, Minji. Or something I have no fucking idea but she laughed at nothing and she fucking answered back to someone.” Bora rubbed her forehead. Her temper was a close to explosion. “What the fuck are you not telling me, Minji?”

‘Will you succeed this time?’  
  
The way the voice was constantly reminding her how worthless she was, how her friends would be better off without her was making Siyeon one hundred percent sure of her decision. It was hard to listen to the part of the self that wants to stay alive and be loved when the voice wouldn't stop.

“Yes.” Siyeon could hear the argument outside her room. It was the perfect time to block the door as quietly as possible. She dragged her table very slowly and placed it in front of the door.  
  
She would describe her sadness like death by a thousand paper cuts. Always cutting deeper in her damaged mind. She was just gaunt and melancholy and just damaged. It had to stop.

‘Put yourself out of your misery.’

She sat down on the table she just placed in front of the door and leaned against it to listen to the girls argue, but the voice wouldn’t stop.

‘You are not enough. They will be better off without you, Siyeon. Look at the pain you cause them. End this.’

“I will!” She brought her knees closer to her chest and tugged at her hair. “Leave me alone!”

‘You know how to get rid of me.’

She knew it perfectly.

“What the fuck are you not telling me, Minji?!” Bora couldn’t help but raise her voice. She was tired of feeling left in the dark. She was supposed to be the light to Siyeon yet she was failing. She felt helpless. There was nothing she could do about it. Being helpless was like being paralyzed. It was sickness.

“It wasn’t my place to tell you Bora!” Minji had a bad feeling. Siyeon was awake yet she was being quiet. Too quiet. “She hears voices. She hallunicates them. It usually happens during her severe depressive episodes. Before she met you, she could still hear them. But she was fine with you, she looked happy. So I thought it stopped.”

“Voices?” here it was again, a new information overwhelming Bora. She just wanted to hide. How could she not see it? She should’ve seen the signs. She should’ve researched everything about this disorder. She was stupid to think her love was enough. She was stupid to ignore the fact that Siyeon needed bigger help than Bora could provide.

“there is a little voice in her head always telling her what to do. How she is worthless, how she should kill herself. It never stops. All of her ideas come from them, the voices.” Minji explained the best she could.

“I don’t.. I don’t understand Minji. I thought my love could save her.”

“And it did! Don’t think for a second that it didn’t. I’ve never seen Siyeon happier than she was with you.” Minji went to hug her friend, to comfort her. Minji was used to this Siyeon. It was new to Bora, Minji didn’t want her to lose herself in the process of saving Siyeon. “it will pass, with our help, she will get through this. It happened so many times.”

“But last time she almost died. You are the one who found her.” she sighed. “I’m so scared, Minji.” Bora buried her head in Minji’s chest and sniffed her nose. She wasn’t allowed to cry. She needed to help love of her life.

\--- flashback.

“What are you thinking, baby?” Bora asked Siyeon.  
  
Siyeon’s head was on Bora’s chest, she looked like she was deep in thought. They were lying on a blanket in the beach. It was 4am in the morning and Siyeon wanted to come to watch the stars. Who was Bora to say no?

“Do you think there is something greater than us?” Siyeon whispered.

“Aliens?”

Siyeon nodded against Bora’s chest, her eyes never left the stars in the sky. 

“I believe in aliens, we can’t be all alone in the universe, can we?” Bora said as she kissed her girlfriend’s forehead. 

“We live in a rock that floats in space. Without the sun we wouldn’t exist. Right? You are my sun, Bora. You light up my world. Without you, I wouldn’t exist.” Siyeon lifted her head to press her lips against Bora’s. “I love you little bird.”

“I love you, wolfie.” Bora smiled against her lips.

“oh a shooting star, make a wish!!” Siyeon said happily.

“I wish this to be forever.”  
\---

“How long hasn’t she been eating?” Bora watched Minji cook Siyeon’s favorite breakfast. Pancakes.

“Possibly this is the fourth day.” Minji said while cooking.

“How can someone live that long without food?”

“You can live without food for a month, it’s water you can’t live without.” Minji shrugged. 

“How the fuck are you so calm about this?” Bora said, her eyes were glued to Siyeon’s door. Why was she so quiet?

“I’ve dealt with worse.” 

Bora stood up from her chair and walked towards Siyeon’s door. She knocked softly, “baby?”

No response. 

“Why is she so quiet, Minji?”

\--- flashback.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Siyeon whispered as she felt her heart shattered to pieces. Her tears were flowing uncontrollably.

“I’m not breaking up with you, i just need you to stop thinking every girl I talk to is my side hoe, Siyeon.” Bora didn’t look at Siyeon because she knows if she does, she will give in and forget that Siyeon almost beat her friend in a café. 

“Please, like that girl wouldn’t mind being your side hoe.” Siyeon scoffed.

“Well, my main hoe is the only hoe that matters. Okay?” 

“You promise?”

“I promise, baby.”

\---

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe we should barge in.” Bora didn’t feel hungry. How could she eat when her girlfriend was starving herself to death? “And you will hold her nose, I will feed her. Piece of cake.”

“Bold of you to assume that Siyeon won’t let me choke her.” Minji chuckled.

“We have to do something, Minji! Do you have better suggestions?”

“Wait. We have to be patient. And I’m sure I’m the last person she wants to see right now. Plus remember the last time you tried to be tough?”

\--- flashback.

“That’s it. Minji we have to do something.” Bora was angry. Mostly at herself because she didn’t see the signs before to help her girlfriend.

“Bora, don’t make it worse.” Yubin said with caution. 

“I’m sorry is that YOUR girlfriend in there starving to death or possibly harming herself right at this fucking moment?!” Bora had to yell in order to be heard because of Siyeon’s screams. God knows what she was doing. “that’s it.” Bora walked to Siyeon’s room feeling her rage and anger get the best of her. If she had to hurt Siyeon to get her to eat, she would.

She barged in the room only to see Siyeon curled up on the corner of the room, yelling at something or someone Bora couldn’t see. It broke her heart into million pieces but she had to be strong now. It was getting worse. It had to stop, she had to at least eat something. Bora was willing to give her organs for Siyeon to eat.

“That’s it.” she repeated herself. It was time for tough love.  
  
She grabbed Siyeon by her arm and forced her up on her feet. “Don’t touch me!” Siyeon yelled. “Let go of me! Let me go!” Siyeon was fighting her back despite Bora’s effort to drag Siyeon out of her room. 

She smelled like a corpse. Like she died days ago but still walking somehow. “You’re going to fucking eat, Siyeon. Even if I have to force food down your throat.” Bora finally managed to drag Siyeon out of her room.  
  
All the girls were staring at them terrified. Handong was scared of Bora, because she knew what she was capable of when she was angry.  
  
Gahyeon was heart broken because of how Siyeon looked.  
  
Yubin was scared this was going to backfire.  
  
Yoohyeon clinged to her girlfriend, like a scared puppy.  
  
Minji, however, couldn’t decide what to feel. Should she allow Bora treat Siyeon like that?  
  
Bora on the other hand, ignored every broken and sad part of her to focus on the anger.

“You’re hurting me please stop, stop!!” Siyeon’s sobs were out of control, she was acting like a wild animal was dragging her to eat her alive.

“You’re going to eat!” She made Siyeon sit on the chair with such force that Minji had to catch the chair from falling. 

“Bora, enough. She won’t eat if you treat her like piece of garbage.” Minji said and wrapped her arms around Siyeon protectively as she sobbed on her chest uncontrollably. 

“Garbage? Look at her Minji, she looks like a fucking corpse!” Bora finished heating left overs and put the plate on the table right in front of her. “Eat, Siyeon.” 

When Siyeon didn’t even acknowledge Bora, Bora grabbed her chin hard enough to make her mouth open. “EAT THIS SHIT SIYEON!” Siyeon couldn’t even fight it because the hold was too strong and it hurt. All she could do was to shut her eyes, cling to Minji and cry. 

“Bora, this isn’t helping!” Minji freed Siyeon from Bora’s hold and held her closer to her chest. When Bora took a step back, Siyeon ran off to her room, shut the door and locked it again.

Everyone was looking at Bora with disbelief and disgust. They just didn’t know how it felt. How it felt to be so helpless. Bora grabbed the plate and threw it on the wall behind them.

“My girlfriend is dying in there and you’re looking at me like you wouldn’t have done the same shit if you were in my shoes. That’s my world in there, crumbling down and I can’t help her!!” 

\---

“I’m going to check up on her.” Bora made her way to the room and knocked on it gently. “Siyeon? baby?” 

No response. 

She knocked harder this time, again no response. Minji was now standing next to Bora, “Singnie I’m so sorry.” 

No response. 

“I’ve a bad feeling, Bora. She is never this quiet.” Minji said with concern in her voice. She tried to open the door but it was locked. “Siyeon, open the door.” She started banging on the door with her fist. “Let us in, Singnie!” She pleaded as she slammed her hand against the hard wood of the door.

No response.

Bora had no idea what to do. She knew Minji had been through this once and Bora didn’t want to find what Minji had once found.  
  
Bora wanted to scream as fear took her over. what if Siyeon had done something to herself? What if Siyeon was dead and Bora was too slow to stop it? Was her worst nightmare coming true? 

“Siyeon!” Bora screamed into the thick wood that separated them. She kept banging on the door until her hands were bruised and raw. She tried to open the door with kicks. “please, god, please...” she whispered to herself as she kept kicking. When it finally cracked, she had to shove with all her strength because something was blocking the other side of the door.

The item that had been blocking the door was a table. “baby?” She called out. Of course there was no answer. Her tears were burning her eyes. She looked at the bathroom door that was closed. She was frozen in her spot. Afraid of what she might find.  
  
Minji was quick on her feet as she hurried to go to bathroom. Locked. But she was sane. She knew what to do. She left Bora in Siyeon’s room to go to hers, she had prepared a spare key just for this case.

Bora swallowed her sob and softly knocked. “if something happens to you..” she couldn’t even finish her sentence as strong force of sobs took her body over.  
  
Minji came back with the key and failed it to put into the keyhole as her hands were shaking. After few more tries, she finally unlocked it. 

Bora’s stomach felt heavy with dread. The icy fingers of fear spread through her entire body. She turned the handle of the bathroom door, slowly opening it. 

The mirror was shattered and glass lay all over the sink and floor. Bora screamed at the sight of Siyeon curled on her side in a fetal position on the bathroom floor. A slowly expanding pool of blood around her body.  
  
Bora hurried to her side, slipping in her blood and falling hard to her knees. On her girlfriend's blood. “Call 911 Minji!” She screamed as she rolled Siyeon onto her back. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the sight of Siyeon's wrists. How could she let her stay alone?

Siyeon had used glass from the shattered mirror and slashed deep into the skin below her palm in a vertical line, all the way up to her elbow. Blood flowed from the injuries at a rate that terrified her. She tried to stop the bleeding but there was just so much blood.  
  
Bora pulled Siyeon in her arms, she couldn’t hear Minji talking to 911, she couldn’t hear Minji’s sobs nor screams. All she could do was to hold her girlfriend close to her chest, kissing top of her head as she pressed pressure on her wounds. “No, no, no, no please stay with me. please stay with me.” The stinging of tears blurried her vision but she had to be strong for her.

How the fuck did she get here? How was Bora supposed to put her life back together after this?  
  
She rocked her girlfriend back and forth slowly. “please stay with me.”

“Ambulance is coming. Bora please check her pulse.” Minji kneeled next to Siyeon and wrapped a towel around both of her wrists. She was acting so calm but she had storms in her mind and heart.  
  
Bora’s hands were covered in blood, and they were shaking like crazy as she put two fingers on Siyeon’s neck to feel a pulse. Her tears mingling with her blood on the floor. “I-I don’t know. She’s-She is so cold Minji.” She stuttered. Her tears cleansed her red cheeks consequently blurring Bora's vision with waves of sadness. The salty release flowing into her mouth so that she could taste her own sorrow.

Unforgiving. How could she let this happen?

“Not again, please Siyeon stay with me. I can’t live without you Siyeon, please, please..” Minji whispered between her sobs as she tried to staunch the blood that just would not stop flowing out of her.  
  
Bora wasn’t listening to her. She was looking at her girlfriend in her arms who looked dead. Cold. This wasn’t happening. She just wanted to wake up from this nightmare and realize she was still under the stars naked with Siyeon.

“You can’t do this to me, Lee Siyeon. you can’t leave me. please, please don’t leave me.” she sobbed as she cradled her body to her own chest. So she sat there, on the nasty bathroom floor, holding her dying girlfriend as she told her repeatedly how much she loved her and needed her while her friend tried to stop the bleeding, give her some time till ambulance got here.

Finally, the ambulance arrived and everything moved way too fast after that. She was pretty much shoved out of the bathroom as the EMTs took over. They made her leave Siyeon’s side while they treated her.  
  
But Bora couldn’t wait outside. She tried to barge in only to be stopped by Minji’s strong arms. “Let them do their job, Bora.” 

“I can’t leave her side. I promised I never would.” Bora broke down in her arms and watched the EMTs treating her girlfriend. But the look on their faces weren’t promising. 

After five minutes or so, the three EMTs came out of their apartment with Siyeon on a stretcher. She noticed they had bandaged her wrists with gauze. Siyeon looked so pale. Two of the medics loaded Siyeon into the back of the ambulance while the third turned to Minji.

“You're the girlfriend?” He asked. 

Minji pointed at Bora who was sobbing uncontrollably as she watched Siyeon being taken away. “I’m her best friend, she is the girlfriend.” 

He looked at Bora and turned to Minji. “Is she stable enough to give us information?”

“She won’t leave her side. She can tell you anything.” Minji had already called a taxi to follow them to the hospital. 

He turned towards Bora and gently touched her arm to get her attention. “You can get in the back with her. I need to get some information on our way to the hospital.” 

Bora jumped up into the back and took a seat beside Siyeon’s motionless form. “She will be okay, right?” she asked hopefully they would reassure her. But they avoided looking at Bora and they hooked Siyeon up to a million monitors. She heard the siren turn on and they sped away at a lightening pace with Minji following behind in a taxi. She was going to make it. She had to. There was no life for Bora if she didn't. The medic finally looked at Bora sympathetically who was still sobbing and telling her girlfriend she loved her. “How did this happen?” 

Bora just unloaded it all. She told the two EMTs about Siyeon's history. EMTs just listened while helping Siyeon.

“It’s gonna be okay, baby. I’m right here. Please stay with me.” Bora grabbed Siyeon’s hand and kissed her palm covered in blood. “you will be okay.”

Once they got to the Emergency Room of the local hospital, everything was a blur. Doctors and nurses came as soon as they arrived and whisked Siyeon away.  
  
She tried to follow but, because she wasn't family, they didn’t let her nor Minji follow them.  
  
Bora felt arms around her body again and once she saw it was Minji, she broke down in her arms, again.  
  
All of their friends had arrived at the hospital, they were waiting for news. Bora was pacing around the waiting room, Minji was holding her girlfriend who was sobbing. Yubin was holding Gahyeon, who was also sobbing. Handong was trying to stay calm but she was quietly crying too. There was lots of crying in the room and it was making Bora mad. Why were they crying? Siyeon was going to be okay.

After what felt like years, a doctor came to waiting room.

“Lee Siyeon’s family?”

Bora rushed to his side. He put his hand on Bora’s shoulder to pull her aside. All of the girls were up on their feet, ready for good news.  
  
Bora let the man drag her to a corner of the room, away from the girls. “You are the girlfriend, I assume?” 

Bora nodded unable to speak. She felt like he was speaking in slow motion. She dreaded the next words coming out of his mouth. She wanted to run and scream and forget everything. 

“I’m so sorry. She had lost so much blood and the cut was fatal…” The man kept talking but Bora wasn’t listening. 

“No.” 

“I’m so sorry.” With that he left. Leaving Bora hollow. She put her hand to her mouth and tried to stifle the sob that rose up in her throat. 

“No, no, no, no, no.” This wasn’t happening. This was a nightmare and she was going to wake up soon. 

“Kim Bora, Kim Minji?” a nurse called them. All of the girls were sobbing loudly, figuring out what doctor said from the look of Bora. 

Minji went to the nurse. “We found two letters in Lee Siyeon’s pockets. Kim Bora, and Kim Minji.” They handed the letters to Minji. She was crying but it was more like a silent cry. She had to wait to be alone to let it all out.  
  
Bora stood still unable to move. She felt numb. She felt completely empty. She stared blankly at the girls.  
  
The love of her life was gone. How could she let Siyeon stay alone in the room when she knew her state?  
  
Bora couldn’t breathe. She had to get out of here. She dragged her feet around to hospital trying to find her way out, but her mind wasn’t working. She had no idea where she was going. Tears began to spill from her eyes onto the hospital floor. Until she saw a body, covered in white blanket get out of the surgery room. In that moment the sure knowledge that life would go on without her hit her. It was her girlfriend that they covered like a piece of garbage. 

“Stop.” She whispered as she walked towards them. They didn’t stop her thinking she needed to say one last goodbye. “She can’t breathe like that, she hates when blanket covers her mouth and nose.” She wasn’t thinking at this point. She was in denial. “she hates it.” 

Doctors stopped in the hallway and exchanged looks of sadness. 

The emptiness in her heart, the salty tears that flowed from her eyes as she lowered the blanket from Siyeon’s face.

“my little wolf..” she kissed the top of her head. “how could you do this to me? why.. why did you leave me?” her tears were spilling on Siyeon’s lifeless, pale face. Bora brushed her hair behind her ear and smiled softly. “Did it stop? Are you in peace now?” she kissed her lips softly which was cold. “Don’t worry about me. I promised I wouldn’t let you get rid of me now didn’t I? I’m so sorry I failed you, my wolfie. I promised to be your light and I failed. I’m so sorry my love. But you are happy now, whoever is up there will take good care of you because I couldn’t.” Bora looked at her girlfriend’s lifeless body. She tried to memorize every little detail. “I love you Lee Siyeon.” She slowly closed the blanket back over her face and took a step back to let doctors take the love of her life.

Everything was a blur after that.  
  
Bora came home to find a room trashed by her girlfriend. She didn’t want to clean up. It was the last remainings of Siyeon.  
  
Everything in the room was trashed except the painting.  
  
When Bora found Siyeon’s hoodie, she pressed it on her chest and began to sob. It still smelled like Siyeon. Siyeon that wasn’t here anymore.  
  
Bora then remembered those elusive moments.  
  
How Siyeon laughed, her deep voice that sent Bora over the edge, her smile, her weird noises, her angelic voice that used to sing Bora to sleep, her pout when Bora was mad, her possessiveness, her jealousy, she remembered everything about the woman that wasn’t here anymore which only made her sob all night long.

Siyeon’s funeral was small, just 6 people that loved her deeply. Minji still didn’t break down. She had to collect everyone else before she could.

But it was matter of time. Her best friend, her partner in crime, her first, her childhood friend, had left her. If Minji breaks, no one could collect her. She loved Siyeon so much that a part of Minji had died with Siyeon too.  
  
Minji needed to grief. She felt empty without her best friend. She felt like she had nothing to do with her life now that the only person she was supposed to protect was gone. It was like this hole in her heart that is the shape of the one she lost. Minji had failed Siyeon. She protected her from bullies but she couldn’t protect her from herself.

Bora, looked at the dirt that had Siyeon six feet under it. Her tears had dried out by now after spending every night crying in Handong’s arms or with Siyeon’s hoodie. 

That dirt had the love of her life in it. It was more than crying, it was the sobbing that came from a person drained of all hope and happiness. She sank to her knees at her lover's grave, she didn't care mud that dirtied her dress. Her tears and her screams of pain and grief echoed around the gravestones. The pain that flowed from her was unbearable and soon the only person at her side was Minji, struggling to keep her tears silent, Minji looked up to the sky and heaven beyond. She believed she was safe up there, comfortable and warm. She had to believe she was happy. But Bora was looking down at the dirt that had Siyeon underneath. She imagined her cold in a box without Bora’s arms to keep her warm. Not for long though. Bora had a promise to keep.

After the unbearable funeral, Bora hugged her friends one by one. But she hugged Dongie a bit longer. “Thank you.” She kissed her cheek and left.

Bora was now on the rooftop, letting the wind hit her face while her eyes were closed, holding the letter tightly in her hands. 

\--- flashback.

“It’s snowing, Bora!! BoraBoraBora, let’s go to the roof!” Siyeon yelled in excitement while looking outside of the window.

“Baby it’s cold outside.” Bora put down her book that she was reading and watched her girlfriend with a smile.

Siyeon spoon around and started to sing. “I really can’t stay.”

Bora laughed and sang along. “baby its cold outside.”

“I’ve got to go away.” Siyeon grabbed a scarf and wrapped it around her neck.

Bora stood up from the bed and pulled her closer by her scarf. “but baby its cold outside.”

“This evening has been so very nice.” Siyeon laughed loudly while she sang and freed herself to put on a jacket. 

“Been hoping that you’d drop in, I’ll hold your hands they’re just like ice.” Bora was singing and dancing around Siyeon holding her hand in the meanwhile. 

They left the apartment to climb up the roof singing rest of the song on top of their lungs.

“My mother will start to worry.” Siyeon giggled and ran away from Bora playfully.

“Beautiful what’s your hurry?” Bora slapped Siyeon’s butt.

“My father will be pacing the floor.” After Siyeon sang her verse, they looked at each other for a moment before they burst into laughter at the irony.  
They arrived at the rooftop and Siyeon looked up at the sky with the biggest smile on her face. “Bora, I love you so much.” 

“I love you so much more.” Bora smiled and tip-toed to kiss her girlfriend tenderly.

\---

Bora smiled at the memory. That was the Siyeon she wanted to remember.  
  
Why did you leave me, Siyeon?  
  
Bora felt so lost without her. She felt like a vital part of her was missing. She didn’t know what to do with her hands now that she couldn’t hold Siyeon’s. She had a knot in her throat that she couldn’t swallow. She felt a pain in her heart.  
She looked at the letter in her hand. And she took a deep breath before opening it.

“My little bird.  
  
If you are reading this, it means I have succeeded.  
  
I am so sorry Bora, I am so sorry I couldn’t hold on anymore. There was this voice in my head telling me to end it, every day. I want you to know I tried. I tried for you. For Minji. And don’t think for a second that you failed me. Bora, you saved me. when I was with you, the voice would stop. Your voice was all I could hear. You were my light, my sun, my air that I desperatly needed. I’m so sorry BoraBora.” 

Bora’s tears were making the paper wet. She had to stop to take a deep breath and collect herself. 

“Remember how we wanted to go to Bora Bora? Please go there. I’ll be with you. I’m so sorry I can’t come with you, but I promise I’ll be with you.  
  
I’m happy now, Bora. I’d like to think I found peace. Without the voices. Without the anger. Without the sadness.  
  
I was so empty without you, my litle bird. You completed me. You made me the happiest in the world. And there are not enough words to express my love to you.  
  
I’ll wait for you Bboya. When your time comes, I’ll be your light this time.  
  
Be happy, baby. I love you so much.”

Bora cried until there was nothing left inside. She looked up at the sky, tears were still flowing down her cheek, “why did you leave me? Why..”

“Why are you here, Bora?” Minji was walking towards her with her letter in her hand.

“Did you read?” Bora pointed the letter in Minji’s hand.

“I basically memorized it.” Minji sat down next to Bora. “We used to come up here whenever it snowed. Siyeon loved snows.” Minji looked down on her lap, tears breaking free from her eyes. 

“I know, she used to drag me here when it snowed.” Bora smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. It was a painful smile. “Can I read your letter too?”

Minji nodded and gave the letter to Bora. Bora wiped her eyes to clear her vision and read.

“Hey MinJiu..  
  
I’m so sorry. I never meant to break my promise to you. I tried though. Are you proud of me? I tried so hard for you. and for Bora. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Please don’t hate me.. please forgive me. I am so sorry.  
  
Yoohyeon is so lucky to have you. I was so lucky to have you. You protected me from everything. Everyone. I know you’re thinking you couldn’t protect me from myself but the voice got stronger Minji, I tried to ignore but it was so hard. I’m so sorry.  
  
I hope you can be happy now, without me, keeping you down. I know I was a burden to you. Your life was on pause to help me. I’m so glad you decided to unpause it and date the girl of your dreams. I am so proud of you. If you ever adopt kids, you are naming them Siyeon, right?  
  
I love you so much Minji, you are my best friend, my protector, my life saver and my partner in crime. You are everything to me.  
  
Please take care of Bora too, okay? She will need you.  
  
I’m so sorry I failed you. I love you.”

Bora closed her eyes to calm herself again. Of course she thought she failed them when in fact, they failed her. 

“You didn’t answer my question, Bora.”

“The very same reason why you are probably here, Minji.” Bora looked at her friend. All she could see was a shell without a soul. "Can I change your mind?"

"Can I change yours?" 

Bora nodded. “Did you tell Yoohyeon?” 

Minji shook her head and watched the cars in the street, hurrying to live their meaningless lives. “She will understand.”

Bora smiled, “Will it hurt?”

“For a second, maybe.” Minji intertwined their fingers and smiled back. “Did you tell Handong?” 

“She will understand.” Bora used Minji’s words against her and it made them smile again. They were happy. They were going to see her.

“I told you you’re never getting rid of me, Lee Siyeon. I hope you are still waiting for me.” 

“She is. I know she is.” Minji said. 

“We’re coming wolfie. You don’t get to be alone.” 

And they jumped.

Last thing Bora remembered was a light, behind the light, she could see Siyeon smiling and holding her hand out for Bora to grab.

“Welcome to our paradise, little bird.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you everyone who read this. Siyeon's feelings were based on mine, as someone who suffers from bipolar i wanted to share my point of view. Some events actually happened to me.  
> It is a known fact that people with bipolar disorder are more likely to commit suicide than people with depression, it is a very serious disorder and without help, it ends like Siyeon. Please be aware of this disorder and how hard it can be.  
> be kind to one another because you never know the battles in their heads.


End file.
